Pruning - Ouch

Yesterday, a bunch of guys came out with big equipment to prune our huge pecan trees in the backyard. They are glorious, their branches and leaves stretching far to twine fingers with each other. Those branches and leaves are their beauty, the visual representation of their strength, but they need to be tempered.

The farther out the branches go, the more branches and the more leaves spread, the more of the tree's sustenance goes out to the edges of those long branches, taking it away from the the main part of the tree, where sustenance is most needed.

Time to be pruned.

One of our backyard trees.

We are not different. The more we take on and get involved in, the more our strength has to go to the outer parts, those activities or secondary priorities or even ministries, while the core of who we are, our souls, do not get what we need.

A tree that is not pruned will eventually lose branches as they fall off, sometimes causing great damage. Or the tree dries up, not able to keep growing or thriving.

A person not pruned has stress, and eventually burnout.

I've always understood the pruning concept in the sense that I needed it sometimes, but yesterday I watched and saw something amazing. We, the tree owners, put the money into the pruning. The men we hired did the work. The tree's job? Just to endure. That tree had no part in the pruning except to let it happen. All of the work and decision making was done by those responsible for its care.

From our perspective as God's children, sometimes a pruning may feel like it's coming at a wrong time, or is unfair because the tree next door is allowed to keep growing. We feel less, we feel our identity has been taken, we feel God is punishing us or denying us happiness or doesn't want us to enjoy a feeling of fulfillment.

But God sees farther than we can from our position. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows when what we are doing, however glorious and yes, even God-honoring it may look, sometimes those very things are taking away from us getting our sustenance from God alone, and letting that sustenance go to what is needed in the core, rather than the branches.

If you find yourself being pruned, do not despair. There is purpose, and that purpose is good. It is to help you grow better. All you need to do is let God be in charge. Let Him prune you. Endure. All is well.

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;  

and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, 

that it may bear more fruit.   

Jesus, John 15:1-2

Trafficking, 12-year-olds, and Willow Smith's new Music Video

I have spoken on human trafficking in churches and school, libraries and conference rooms, to groups of hundreds and groups of less than a dozen. I have researched and studied trafficking, and discovered things I have shared with many others. I have also discovered things so horrible I will never tell you.

Tonight, I came across Willow Smith's new music video about having a summer fling, and I'm so disturbed I can't not write about it. Not the video itself, or the music, but how it collides with something else--a statistic.

Willow Smith is twelve years old.

The average age for an American girl to get trafficked is 12-14.

Before you think I've gone off the deep end, let me share with you what was disturbing to me about the video, and then please take the time to let me say why.

What disturbed me about what I heard in the song:
1. She's taking walks at midnight and lying on the beach with a guy she barely knows.
2. She's calling him, he's calling her, hanging out, kissing.
3. She mentions many times, "It's just a couple months, but we do it anyway."
4. She talks about them saying, "I love you," when the whole song is about it being just a summer fling.
5. "You say that I'm the one. I say it's just for fun."

What disturbed me about what I saw in the video:
1. A twelve-year-old flirting, touching, being touched, by a guy she barely knows.
2. The guy being nowhere near twelve years old.
3. Lots of couples touching, including what I think was a lesbian couple (with colored hair and lots of tattoos--maybe to show her sense of diversity?)
4. Absolutely no adults anywhere.




Now, before you think I'm saying Willow Smith has anything to do with trafficking, I'll say now I seriously doubt she has any idea her music video and song present a recipe traffickers love.

And that's my point.

Back to the statistic that the average age for a girl to get trafficked is 12-14. Why do you think that is?

I don't think 12-14-year-olds are targeted because girls are most desirable at that age. Trafficking is exploiting vulnerability, and younger girls are more vulnerable to exploitation. They are ripe for targeting. They are easier to lie to, entice, and ultimately take into a world so destructive, the life expectancy is a mere five years.

Here's what I'm talking about. Willow Smith's video shows girls that having an older guy pay attention to them is cool and makes them cool. Having him call them, pursue them, and touch them, despite not knowing them for very long, and having no intention of building a genuine lasting relationship, is cool. As she sings over and over (and over--52 times that I counted), "...do it anyway."

Traffickers know this is a very effective seduction to young girls. A trafficker isn't necessarily an old, ugly guy who looks like the bad guy. Sometimes they are young, well-dressed, and very attractive. These traffickers know that a young girl feels special when an older guy notices her, pays attention to her, gives her things. So a trafficker targets a girl who is vulnerable (say, one who is looking for approval, shows off her body to get attention, has no adult keeping track of her schedule or activities, or is considering running away). He finds out what she longs for and provides it. He becomes what she needs, until she not only trusts him, but feels loved by him. As one very effective trafficker said with a smile, "I sell dreams."

Willow Smith's video scares me. Not just for her (Why would her parents let her be out at midnight with some guy they don't even know, much less make a song and video about it?), but for all the 12 and 10 and 8-year-old girls who are going to watch it, memorize the song, and wish they could be like her.

(FYI: If you think I'm going for shock factor here, trying to convince you of something, I'd like to let you know that what I'm saying is just surface information. This doesn't even touch the shock value aspects of this.)

So what should parents do? If you have a young girl, help her choose her influences wisely. Use things like this music video to start conversations about things that really matter. This short video could spark questions like:
1. Do you think a girl that young should have a boyfriend? Why or why not?
2. Do you think having a relationship with someone you don't really know is good? Can you think of how it could be bad or dangerous?
3. Why do you think I don't let you _______________?
4. What should you do if a guy you like starts to _____________________?
5. Do you know where the line is between touching that is okay and touching that is not?
6. If someone crosses that line, do you know that it's okay to do whatever you have to do to get away from him? What are some things you could do?

As much as I wish it were not true, 12-year-old girls need to know what is the boundary between acceptable and unacceptable touch. They need to be trained on how to get out of a dangerous situation. And they need to know that if something bad happens to them, that you are never going to blame them for it, but you will help them. They need to know to never keep something like that a secret, and they need to know if they came to you and told you something like that, that you would not brush it off or let it fall into silence.

They also need to know the lines exploiters use, such as:
1. If you love me, you'll ___________.
2. You owe me.
3. It's your fault because of what you wore/said/did.
4. You're bad. You shouldn't tell because everyone will know you did something bad.
5. If you tell, I'll _______________________.
6. I couldn't help it. I'll never do it again.

I hate the idea of even talking about this with my daughter when she gets older. Before I started studying trafficking, I thought age 16 would be a good age to bring it up. Maybe 15. I never imagined I'd have to be ready to discuss this at age 10or 11.

But unfortunately, that's one of the reasons 12-14 year olds are so exploitable. Their lack of knowledge and lack of training makes them vulnerable. Add to that a culture that says being pursued by an older guy when you're a pre-teen makes you special, and you have a truly dangerous situation.

Perhaps this music video will show parents that they should be more involved in what their children watch and listen to. Perhaps it will convince us to talk with our children and prepare them for this world. Perhaps it will even spark the desire to give them an understanding of their own value, so much so that they don't need to get their sense of worth from a summer fling, an older guy, or even a famous music career.

If that happens, then maybe watching the video wasn't a bad thing after all.

What do you think this video tells young girls? Do you think the controversy over this video is warranted?

Related Posts:   Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers aren't that Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Galmourization of Prostitution

Beyonce's Halftime Show and Human Trafficking

If Jesus Delivers the Captives, Why Won't He Deliver Me?

I'm reading a book titled, The Sacred Echo. Margaret Feinberg, the author, pointed out something I'd never noticed before. Something really big for those of us who suffer. So big, it's the reason I sat in my recliner and cried and wrote three of the blog posts for this week.

Have you ever noticed how Jesus tended not to answer questions directly? Sometimes He seemed not to answer them at all, talking about something that sounded like a rabbit trail, or telling some story that at first seemed random.

One such time was when John the Baptist was in prison and sent an important, penetrating question to Jesus. John had seen Jesus glorified, had even heard God speak from Heaven, declaring who Jesus was and that He was pleased with Him. If anybody knew Jesus was the Messiah, it was John. Yet after being imprisoned for doing right, suffering and facing more suffering, he starts to wonder. Why hasn't Jesus declared His kingdom? Why hasn't he freed His people from oppression?



If Jesus is who He says He is, why is John still in prison?

John sent Jesus a pointed question, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?" (Matthew 11:3)

Believers throughout the ages have asked similar questions. I have. Have you ever wanted to ask:

Where are You, God?

Why haven't You come through for us?

Why are you letting me/them suffer like this?

If You cared about us, You'd change things/heal her/not let them die.

If you are God, You can stop this, so why don't You?

What's the point of having faith if You aren't going to help us?

If you've ever felt guilty for thinking or praying the above, know that God hears such prayers. If fact, God listed all of them in the Bible. Read through the book of Psalms and you'll find even the last one (Psalm 73:12-14).

Jesus did not get angry at John. He did not berate his lack of faith. His response was gentle, yet powerful. Today I learned it was even more powerful--for him and for me--than I knew.

Jesus said:

“Go and tell John the things which you hear and see:  

The blind see and the lame walk; 

the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; 

the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them.  

And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me” (Matthew 11:4-6).

Margaret Feinberg explains: "Jesus' response refers to prophecies found in the book of Isaiah, six specific signs the Messiah will fulfill when he comes....What captures my attention in Jesus' response is not the six prophecies he fulfilled, but the seventh prophecy he seemingly goes out of his way not to mention: to proclaim freedom for the captives."

Within John's question was a deeper, much more personal cry. "Are You the Messiah? Will You deliver me?" Those two may seem to be the same question. Those who live with suffering know they are not. At least not in the way we want them to be.

Jesus' answer was clear. Yes, I am the Messiah. No, I will not deliver you. Not from prison or even from death. (John was soon after beheaded at the request of a vengeful woman.)

Did that mean Jesus was really not the Messiah? Or that He did not fulfill the prophecy, do what He said He would do?

The question closer to home:
If we are still sick, is God not Who He says He is? Is He not keeping His promises?
Is He not good?

This is very important. In the Garden, the very first sin happened because Eve believed the lie that God was not good and did not want what was truly best for her. That He couldn't be trusted.

If we also believe that lie, our suffering is in vain.

Let's look at these questions in regard to John the Baptist. Was God punishing John for lack of faith? No. Jesus said John was the greatest man ever born to a woman (Matthew 11:11). If it wasn't God's punishment, then that must mean God did not keep His promise, right?

No, these are not the only two options.

Jesus sets the captives free. John was delivered. Not from prison to a more comfortable life. He was delivered not from death but through death, to perfect freedom and life eternal.

We forget that part. We see here and now, and here and now are so very important to us. God sees forever. He knows every promise has a beautiful fulfillment.

I am sick now, but I will be healed. I know it with all my soul. It may not happen in this lifetime. But one day I will have a perfect body and perfect spirit, delivered from my failing flesh and my fragile mind and my sin-tempted soul forever.



The promises have not failed. They simply have not all been fulfilled yet. And sometimes they get fulfilled in ways we would never expect, like deliverance for John.

We will be healed. God can be trusted. As Jesus told John, "Blessed is he who is not offended because of Me” (Matthew 11:6).

Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!

....Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,

Psalm 103:1-3 

Related Posts: Not Enough Faith? Is it My Fault I'm Still Sick?


Joni Earekson Tada Video Visit--Don't Waste Your Suffering

Tomorrow's Post: A Message for Everyone Who has tried to Fix Me

Subscribe so you don't miss it!

Not Enough Faith? Is It My Fault I'm Still Sick?

Hebrews 11 is a marvelous chapter known to many as the Hall of Faith. The first half of the chapter lists great heroes of the Old Testament. Then verses 33-35a are enough to make you cheer; subduing kingdoms, obtaining promises, stopping lions and escaping fire and sword. Victory in battle, and even having the dead brought back to life again.

How did all this happen? "Through faith," says verse 33. The faith that moves mountains.

That faith has not been extinguished over time. Believers still see God do mighty things. Cancer disappears. Alcoholics get deliverance. Battles are won.

What about us? We who are sick, and have been sick for years? We who have prayed and asked and hoped for healing, but not received it?

Many would say our chronic illness or disease is representative of our lack of faith. That we failed in our battle. We lost. If we could only believe more, condemn the sickness, declare ourselves healthy, we would be free. (I've heard those; you likely have too.)

Those people did not heed the rest of the chapter on faith. Look on, starting right after those believers who had the ultimate visual victory--the dead coming to life again--as a representation of their faith:

...and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance...

they were stoned, they were sawn asunder, 

were tempted, were slain with the sword...

destitute, afflicted, tormented... (Heb. 11:35b-37)

Wait a minute. How can words like afflicted and tormented be in a chapter celebrating faith? Many would say those people didn't have enough faith. If they had, they would have been delivered to live a comfortable and healthy and victorious life, right?

Not according to God. Read on. The chapter ends this way:

And these all, having obtained a good report through faith... (vs 39)

Sometimes faith results in healing or victory, in what looks to us humans like what faith should look like. As Jesus said, If you have enough faith, you can tell a mountain to move and it will (Matthew 17:20). That a pretty obvious way to show your faith.

Does that mean that people whose mountains move are closer to God, and people who have mountains still in their backyard aren't?

Not necessarily.

I could list many examples in Scripture, but let's go straight to our ultimate example of perfect faith and oneness with God--Jesus Christ.

First, Jesus never told a mountain to move so we could "see" His faith. In fact, He rejected the suggestion every time His disciples, skeptics, or even Satan suggested He do an obvious sign to prove Himself to the world. We should take that to heart. Faith shouldn't be about the show.

Second, Jesus prayed a prayer that God said "no" to. Jesus even asked God "why?" Both were during the time of His greatest suffering. Both were during a time when religious people questioned His faith (the faith of the Messiah Himself!) and mocked His lack of "ability" to get off the cross. Both were also on the path to the greatest glory and victory history has ever witnessed.

At one point, Jesus said He could have made the problem go away. He could have instantly summoned legions of angels to deliver Him (Matthew 26:53). Take away His pain. Give Him health and wealth.

Instead, He let the mountain remain. He asked God, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42). 

For some of us, God wants the mountain to remain. Moving it might impress people and make them feel like we have faith, but sometimes it takes more faith to let God be glorified through our suffering rather than being delivered from it.

As in Hebrews, sometimes God is glorified by delivering His children from the trial. Other time, He is glorified by not delivering them.

I live right at the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Those beautiful peeks have been there for millennia, despite the fact that this the Bible Belt and there are many people with great faith here. Why do they remain? Is it because no one has had enough faith to move them? Or because God wants them there? They glorify Him to the world. When I see them, I am filled with awe, given peace, reminded by lifting up my eyes to hills that my help comes from God (Psalm 121).

For some reason, God has chosen not to move my mountain of chronic illness. He has moved many others in my life--I have seen Him do amazing things--but this one He has allowed to remain.

If I love Him, if I care more about His glory than my own comfort (or with convincing people like Job's friends, which is usually a waste of verbiage), then I will pray like Jesus. I can ask God to move the mountain--remove the suffering--but end that what I want most is for His will to be done, not mine.

Sometimes it take more faith to not get what you want....but more on that tomorrow.

Related Posts: Joni Earekson Tada Video-Don't Waste Your Suffering

Tomorrow's Post: If Jesus Delivers the Captives, Why Won't He Deliver Me?

Subscribe to be sure you don't miss it!

Kermit Gosnell, Abortion, and Human Trafficking

I write and speak and research on human trafficking. A lot. But one thing I have to avoid is the trafficking of young children. I can tell people that 300 children are sold in Atlanta every month, but I cannot bear to study what happens to so many of those children. It is unspeakable.

Many define human trafficking as the buying and selling of people--of bodies--yet it encompasses much more than that. International Consultant Lauran Bethall, in Nefarius, defines it as "the exploitation of vulnerability."

Do Kermit Gosnell's actions not fill that definition to the brim?. His story is sickening because he harmed children too small to defend themselves, too helpless to speak up for their rights. In my opinion, this is human trafficking at its worst--one person benefiting from the exploitation and destruction of those too helpless to fight back.

When I was 12 weeks pregnant, I had my first ultrasound in a little hospital via-5-seater-airplane in Indonesia. My tiny baby son, enjoying the orange juice I'd had awhile earlier, twirled and kicked and flipped, to the delight of everyone in the room. It was one of the most precious things I'd ever seen.

No one on the planet could have convinced me that my baby was "just" a fetus, and I could destroy his life at will without guilt.

My second child was born 6 1/2 weeks early. The moment she was born, had someone taken scissors and cut her spine, it would have been murder. However, had someone done the same exact thing thirty minutes before she exited my body, it would be called late-term abortion.

You may not agree with me, but I consider abortion to be the worst kind of human trafficking.

If you have had an abortion, I do not condemn you. You have suffered, and Jesus holds out forgiveness, freedom, and peace to you. As one commentor said:
"Those who are in favor of abortion like to call themselves 'pro-choice'  But this is not accurate at all.  The women I know who had abortions did not have them because they believed abortion to be a good choice.  They had abortions because a lack of financial, medical, or psychological support made them feel as if they had NO choice.  Tragically, they now realize the so-called 'choice' they made will haunt them for the rest of their lives."  Why I Didn't Write About Gosnell's Trial

Were it in my right to condemn, I would point toward those who not only do these things, but teach others that it is right. Those who, like Gosnell, actually break babies in pieces and throw them in the trash (whether out of the womb or inside--logically, what is the difference?), and those who, by their silence, give their approval. 14 Theories for Why Kermit Gosnell's Case Didn't Get More Attention

The media ignored Gosnell's story completely, until finally the American public gave such an outcry that their silence became embarrassingly obvious. Media Acknowledge Blowing Gosnell Story

Edmund Burke once said, "All it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." He also said there comes a time when forbearance ceases to be a virtue.

I have an even better quote from a higher authority. For anyone who does not think it matters:
Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 18:10

For anyone who thinks it's not your problem:
Open your mouth for the speechless,in the cause of all who are appointed to die.Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9

As Ann Vonskamp said, For Christ followers, it’s more than being pro-choice and pro-life — it’s about always being pro-the-least-of-these. What Gosenell and the Gospel mean for the Brave

When someone charges into a school and shoots kindergarten children, the world is outraged and horrified. However, if every single one of those exact same children had been killed before birth, they would just be a few more in the 1 million children silenced each year in our nation. Those broken and discarded each year at 12 weeks, when I had my ultrasound: over 110,000. Those killed at 21+ weeks, up to and past the time when my precious little girl was born: over 18,000 a year.

You may disagree that abortion is human trafficking. That's fine. But can you see how the one perspective feeds the other? If it is okay to decide that certain life can be destroyed without guilt, is it not also okay to decide certain people can be abused without guilt?

If a puppy was cut into pieces and thrown in the trash, it would be "inhumane."

If an eagle still inside it's egg is harmed, it is a federal crime.

If it happens to a baby outside the womb, it is murder.

If it happens to a baby inside the womb, it's funded by the government, promoted by a company with "parenthood" in its title, and shoved down our cultural throats by the media.

In my opinion, Grosnell is a human trafficker. He will answer to God for what he has done.

We also will answer to God for what we do, or don't do, in the face of a nation that says killing babies is okay as long as they are tucked safely inside a woman's body and we cannot watch them die or hear them scream.

Does it take a trial like Gosnell's to make it clear, or are we just choosing to look the other way?

For I, the LORD, love justice. Isaiah 61:8

And they have built the high places...to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire; which I commanded them not, neither came it into my heart.Therefore, behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that it shall no more be called Tophet...but the valley of slaughter: 

for they shall bury in Tophet, till there be no place. Jeremiah 7:31-32

Statistics from: Q&A about Abortion

Related Articles: Beyonce and Human Trafficking

Beyonce and Human Trafficking

A lot of money was spent for the Super Bowl halftime show. I watched parts of it, saw a famous and very beautiful woman slither around, lie down, and visually seduce thousands of men in that stadium and around the world.

We all know sex sells. Our culture is saturated with it. It is estimated that up to 10,000 girls are brought into town for Super Bowl weekend just for that purpose. However, these girls are not famous like Beyonce. They don't have the freedom to only visually sell themselves.

They are trafficked. Slaves. Forced to do whatever it takes to make it through the night and get their quota to keep from being beaten or worse.

And in my opinion, Beyonce is part of the problem.

I watched clips of her show. She wore lingerie--what most of us women wouldn't wear outside our bedrooms. It was clear her show was less about music and more about, well, sex. She sang and danced and rolled around on the stage, visually enticing thousands of men. Then what? The show ended, the game came back on.

Later that night, what happened to all those men who were affected by her performance? Please pardon my frankness, but how many of them got online and ordered a girl to come finish what Beyonce started?

If a pizza company had paid millions to strategically place a long, luscious pizza ad during the Super Bowl, then later that night thousands of people ordered pizzas, that ad manager would feel himself a big success.

Well, thousands of girls were used that night, ordered over the internet as easily as one can order a pizza. In my opinion, Beyonce was part of that.

If asked, I'm sure she would say that trafficking is wrong and should be stopped. Most people think that. But it's not what we think; it's what we do that shows who we really are. Beyonce sells sexuality, and the rampant sexuality in our culture fuels human trafficking. It sends messages to men that women are objects to be used and enjoyed. It sends messages to girls that to be valuable they must be not only beautiful and thin, but sexy and seductive. Both messages are wrong. Both feed trafficking, because men who believe women are objects have no problem paying to use one. Girls who believe they are only valuable for their sexuality are vulnerable to exploitation.

Beyonce once said in an interview,
“I’m really kind of shy...more reserved, and, um, nothing like Sasha (the spirit she says possesses her on stage). But I guess I wouldn't be very entertaining on stage, so Sasha comes out and she's fearless, you know, she can do things that I cannot do while in rehearsal....right before I performed, I raised my hands up, and it was kind of the first time I felt something, you know, come into me."

Another time she said,
"When I see a video of myself on stage or TV I'm like, 'Who is that girl? That's not me. I wouldn't dare do that.'"

If Beyonce is letting other voices entice her to sell herself, it is not a far stretch to think she wouldn't mind letting her voice tell others to do the same. I am horrified that so many girls see her as a role model and so many parents allow it. The young girls may not recognize the messages coming through her performances, but every adult certainly should.

One more quote from Beyonce, "I am more powerful than my mind can even digest or understand."

True. That power could be used for such good. Right now it is being used to fuel something totally wrong. A perspective for girls that at its end is trafficking. A perspective for men that at its end is trafficking.

Rescuing trafficked girls is never going to fix the problem of trafficking. The problem starts with demand. As long as major events like the Super Bowl and major stars like Beyonce promote sex and the objectification of women, trafficking will thrive.

This message will likely never get anywhere near Beyonce, so I won't ask her to stop selling herself and learn her worth is in more than her sexuality. You, however, are reading it, so I will talk to you. Your worth is in more than your body, your looks, your power over men, or any other thing that is less than what God says your worth comes from. Your are valuable, priceless, because God made you in His image, and Jesus says you're worth dying for.

No matter how many millions are spent on a pizza ad, if the pizza's lousy, the pizza's lousy. Don't let the world convince you of it's message, no matter how beautiful or popular the package.

 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—

is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; 

but he who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:16-17

************************************************************************************
If you don't believe the quotes, here's a video of every one of them and more:  
Beyonce, "I get possessed" 

Part 2-What to do with your Priority Pyramid

Did you create your priority pyramid from Wednesday’s post? If you missed it, here’s Part 1: Time Management with a Priority Pyramid-Part 1.

Now on to Part 2—what to do with it!

Once you have your pyramid filled in, I recommend bringing it to your devotions for several days and talking with God about what is listed there. Here are a few things you could ask Him for direction about:

1. What really belongs in my MUST category? Are the things listed there God's priorities for me, or priorities I have chosen for myself?

2. Are there things in my SHOULD category that I am doing for the wrong reasons? (Example: trying to prove I'm spiritual by being involved in too many church activities, spending too much time keeping my house spotless because I'm worried people will judge me if I don't.)

3. What are the things in my WANT category that are blessed by God and I have permission to prioritize them?

4. Should anything be removed from my list? Added? Changed to a different category?

After you've prayed over your list and, with God's direction, placed things where they should be, now comes the application. How do you apply all this to your actual daily life?

Just like a money budget, you allocate according to the priorities. You schedule non-negotiable time for the highest priorities, and move down the pyramid.

For example, if I MUST be a godly wife, I need to prioritize time with my husband. That can easily get swiped away by things in my SHOULD or WANT or even extra category if I do not intentionally set aside and protect that time.

We're in the same room. Does that count?

Another example: if God wants me to write, but when I get on the computer I end up getting caught up in social media or pinterest or whatever, I need to give myself some boundaries. Maybe even use a timer. Say I have 3 hours. I can decide to give 1 hour to checking e-mail, Facebook, etc., but then when that hour is up, I choose to shut off the internet and spend the other 2 hours writing. That kind of self-control is hard, but I'd like to get there! =)


If I'm finding there are more things to be done than time to do them, I can check to see if I can combine some of my SHOULD or WANT items. Such as: I can combine cooking healthy meals for my family, training my children to be responsible with chores, and family Scripture memorization all by having a set time when my children help me with dinner. I train them as they help me, and we can work on our memory verses while we cook and set the table. Again, this takes purposeful ahead-of-time planning.

I need to let some of my SHOULD things go. Having health problems means limitations, so I need to stop stressing if my house isn't perfectly clean or I'm not involved in as much as I feel I should be. And remember, just because something is on your SHOULD list doesn't mean it should be on everyone's!

This is not and never will be what my kitchen looks like. =)

Also, some seasons in life require us to shift our list entirely to focus on a loved one during a crisis or set aside certain use of our gifts while our children are young. What God wants us to spend our time on now may not be forever, so don't get discouraged if God asks you to set aside some things for now that feel important to you.

My babies, who should be more important than my SHOULDs and WANTs.

Time is easily spent, just like money, on things we do not intend to prioritize. Sometimes it is something as simple as turning off the TV for a week. The average American watches something like 4 hours of TV a day. There are those extra hours people love to say they wish they had!

I need to be better with my time, more intentional. I don't want to squander it away. So now I have my pyramid filled out and will be praying on how to apply this. How about you? What do you find sucks away time from your day without you realizing it? Are there things you realized you were spending time on that were taking away from other, more important, priorities?

...redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:16-17

Special Post: Can something be Good but not Right?

Monday I talked about grieving the loss of parts of myself, things I loved that have been taken away because of illness.

This latest one, my speaking ministry, is one that God is asking me to remove myself. I could keep it. I could keep going as I am. However, He has shown me that, right now, this needs to go because my health is suffering because of it.

Then He opened my eyes and showed me it was also about much more than my health.

There is a verse in Scripture where Jesus talks about actually removing parts of ourselves. If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away (Matthew 5:29, 18:9, Mark 9:47). If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you (Matthew 5:30, 18:8, Mark 9:43-45). Sounds horrible, doesn't it? Who would do that to themselves? Why put yourself through pain and anguish, give yourself a lifelong limitation, remove something that is good and helpful and useful on purpose?

Jesus said we should because it is better to enter eternal life maimed than to have everything in this life and be lost.

That specifically applies to non-believers but there is a truth for me as well.

If something is causing me to walk at a distance from my Savior, no matter how good it is or how much good it does, it is not right. To remove it is painful, limiting and makes me less whole. To not remove it, however, is worse.

To keep speaking at this season when I am not stable with my health condition (Addison's disease, hypoglycemia, asthma, scoliosis and a cyst on my brain in case you were wondering) means staying up on higher dose of my daily steroid meds (oral hydrocortisone) so I can continue to function. One of the symptoms of being on the higher medication is a low-grade anger that makes me easily irritated and more stressed. If having a ministry means I cannot be as loving with my husband and children as God wants, that cannot be right.

Ironically, I've been working on this very principle with my young son. I've been teaching him the concept of these exact verses and sharing with him that something good (say playing Lego Star Wars on the Wii) becomes something bad if it makes us do or think wrong (pouting when he is asked to help instead of playing, having a bad attitude when it is time to stop). So if the Wii causes you to sin, it is better to throw it in the trash. You should see his eyes when I say that!

So I must cut off this hand, this useful, good thing, because during this season in my life it has become something not right. The cutting will be hard. I love speaking. I thrive on the meeting new people and the travel and having something to look forward to.

However, cutting it off is not just that moment of pain. It is also learning to live with one less hand, the adjustments that must be made to function with less of yourself, the daily reminder that you had to limit yourself to live right.

I'm not excited about this. Actually I'm crying if you really want to know. But I've stopped wanting to stomp my foot like a child and say it's not fair. I recognize with brokenness that this is not about a health problem. This is about me and Jesus Christ and how much I am willing to sacrifice to be more like Him than myself.

I'm sharing this with you for two reasons. For one, to make myself accountable. I know as soon as I stop feeling so sick, I will want to jump right back in my old habits and fill my schedule again. For another, I suppose I'm sharing it in case you are living something good that is not right. I thought that, because it was ministry and because there were so many good things about it, God would "protect" it in the sense that He would make it happen and make me healthy enough to continue doing it (which He would if that were His will and this was something He asked me to do for Him rather than me just doing it).

However, the other day I was reading about Eve and that forbidden fruit. God told her not to eat it. The fruit itself was not bad. In fact, when she considered it, she thought of all the good things about it (Genesis 3:6 It looked good, it was good for food, it would make her wise).  She lost the battle between sin and obedience thinking about how good it was rather than asking if it was right.

I don't want to live my life choosing things that are good but not right. However much this will hurt, I must stop making choices based on me--what I want, what I feel I need, what feels good and even fulfilling--and start asking God what is right and best. I know there is blessing in this choice, and move toward it despite my feelings. And I humbly ask that you pray for me, that I will not just purpose this right now, but actually do it.

Thank you. May the Lord give us sight to see beyond just the good to what is right. And may all of us have the courage to make the harder, better choice.

Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, 

let him deny himself, 

and take up his cross daily 

and follow Me.  

For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, 

but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 

Luke 9:23-24

Medical Mondays: Shut Up and Be At Peace

God doesn't actually uses the phrase "shut up" with me, but I am starting to use it rather often with myself.

You will probably understand when I mention how, especially when in a flare-up of some kind, I spend my day talking and arguing with myself.

What did I do wrong that caused this problem?
I may not have done anything wrong. It may just be a flare up I couldn't have stopped.
But what if I did do something to cause it? I need to figure out what that is so I can keep it from happening again.
Yes, but likely it's just my body not having the strength to fight against this, so again, there's nothing I could have done.
But maybe I did something, or didn't do something, that made my body more vulnerable. What did I eat? Did I go someplace with a lot of germs? Did I do too much activity? Should I have...

On and on it goes. I find arguing stressful in general, and perhaps even more so when it's in my own head because I can't even walk away from myself to get a break!

Adding emotional stress to physical stress is not wise, but I have a hard time getting my brain to follow my understanding of that truth.

This would be the spot where I need to shut up and be peace.

If I get sick, I get sick. I can figure out the whys and what-not-to-dos later. For the sick time, my body needs rest--mental and emotional as well as physical rest--so it can heal.

I'm not good at just resting. I'm good at analyzing, thinking, fixing.

However, knowing I am commanded by God to let the peace of God rule in my heart, me being anxious and stressed trying to figure everything out is actually dishonoring to Him and a disobedience to His will. The wanting to figure things out isn't wrong in itself, but the underlying reason for it--that I am not trusting God's sovereignty and feeling myself wholly responsible to figure out and fix the problem--is wrong. 

The truth is, though I am responsible for the choices I make throughout the day and the consequences that come from them, when it comes to genuine safety or health, I am not in charge. I cannot control my body.

I can, however, exercise control over my mind. Renewing it (Rom 12:2). Bringing every thought into captivity to the will of God (2 Cor. 10:5). Telling it to shut up and let the peace of God rule.

Sometimes I can make choices toward getting better, or at least choices that will not make things worse. In the end, however, my life, my body, my health are all in God's hands.

When I am sick, I need to stop adding to the stress trying to figure it all out, and instead rest in the Lord and let Him fill me with His peace that passes all understanding.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts...and be thankful. Col. 3:15

Why I'm An Abolitionist

The first time someone called me an abolitionist, I squirmed a little. That was a big word. A term for people like William Wilberforce or the others who gave their whole lives to delivering people from bondage. Not people like me. I just care, and am doing a tiny bit in the big fight.

Hmm. I care, and am doing a tiny bit.

If I were talking with you about fighting human trafficking, I would say that if you care, and you are doing something, then you are part of the fight. It doesn't have to do everything--nobody can do everything. If you're praying, raising awareness, having a jewelry party (see Fighting HT with Jewelry, Parties and a New Book), giving money, buying fair trade, putting S.O.A.Ps in hotels (see 7000 bars of soap to fight Human Trafficking ) or keeping the hotline number on hand in case you see something (1-888-373-7888), you are part of the global fight against slavery. You are an abolitionist.

I guess that makes me one, too.

My part? I pray, I speak at schools, churches, libraries, etc. on human trafficking--not just the problem but how people can be part of the solution. I funnel information through my Facebook page on what is happening and how people can get involved. With my health problems, I can't physically do as much as I'd like, but I got to tell others about the S.O.A.P. opportunity in Charlotte and several people went. Whatever resulted from that day, I was part of it. I have three Amazon bestselling books out that take those big overwhelming numbers (20 million slaves in the world today) and bring them down to one girl's story, reminding us all that making a difference isn't just about changing the big numbers; it's about rescuing people. One at a time.

I think my biggest addition to the fight is that I care about not just rescuing people from something bad, but to something good. That's the big point of the first book in the series. For so many, rescue is not enough; they end up right back in that life, even more hopeless than before. There were no other jobs for them, they thought that was all they were good for, the person who sold them the first time sold them again, etc.. For me, the most important aspect of delivering the captives is giving them the ultimate freedom and lasting hope of Jesus Christ--who loves them unconditionally and wants them to live with worth and joy.

And captivity isn't just those who are obviously trafficked. It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused as a child (1 in 6 boys) and that is a prime training ground for future exploitation. I met a woman who had been raped at age 15 by a 30-year-old man and when she got pregnant, her father forced her to marry him, not believing her story. She spent years going to church on Sunday morning and then going home to a husband who abused her. A woman now working in a strip club used to teach Sunday School, before everything got really bad.

I want to stop human trafficking before it starts. To teach young girls and boys their worth, so that they do not seek it in dangerous places. To teach women and men that what has happened to them does not define them, so they can be free of their past and have hope for the future.

Jesus came to set the captives free. Those of us who are abolitionists are part of that. 

Why am I an abolitionist? Because no one should wake up afraid. Because no one should live without hope or love. Because I have so many freedoms and others have none. Because Jesus said to love my neighbor as myself, and that it is more blessed to give than receive.

Most of all, because every hurting child, every broken woman, every enslaved man is loved with an everlasting love by God Himself. And if I love God, I must love them too. They are part of who He is.

Why do you fight? Tell us your tiny bit. If you're part of an organization, feel free to add links and websites so others can find you and get involved!

Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:9



Related Posts:  Teen Girls: Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers Aren't That Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Why Bother?

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month--Running Away

Yesterday, I told you about admitting I needed a break and expecting God to give me a guilt-trip lecture on how I needed to get over myself and work harder.

I've been sick for weeks, on extra steroids, now dealing with the long term affects of the meds, including how they adversely affects my emotions. Sometimes my life and emotions seems one big response to medication. Am I even in there somewhere?

I've been feeling like Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. If you've never read that book, you should. He keeps saying he's going to move to Australia. I have no desire to run away to Australia; that's a really long plane flight and I get sick on planes. However, I might be inclined to make several of his facial expressions.

 

I can't keep up. I finally admitted it. I'm not getting enough rest, not getting better, dreading the weeks of tapering down that are coming once I do get well. Dreading all the drug withdrawals and still having to function when I just want to run away.

Instead of setting up a tent in my backyard, or moving to Australia, I asked my husband if I could check into preschool for Hope. She's my 4-year-old who is still at home. She's awesome, but not one for entertaining herself, and she's been getting the short end of the stick for months as I've battled all these chronic health problems. Nearly every day at lunch she prays, "Thank You for this food. Please help Mommy to get better."

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

We hadn't put her into preschool before now because I chose to be a stay-at-home mommy. Not to mention the money. We've been saving to put the kids in Christian school starting this fall, plus paying medical stuff of course, and preschool is expensive. I had checked into it before and it was too much (I'm not a rich and famous author yet =)).

So asking to check into it again felt like a big fat failure on my part. I'm home. What a cop out. But the truth is, right now my illness is winning and I'm losing, and if I don't change something soon, I'm not sure what's going to happen but it's going to be bad. Long-term high steroid use is bad. Being sick for a long time is bad. Everything it does to my emotions is bad for me and everybody in my family. So admitting I might be a better mom if Hope went to preschool a few days a week and I was able to rest was hard, but the truth.

Did God frown and sigh at my weakness? Did He say yes but make sure I knew how disappointed He was?

Nope. I got a message from the lady who runs the preschool less than half a mile from our house. Not only did they have an opening for 3 days a week with no waiting list, but someone had given scholarship money they had not fully used yet and she had been thinking of Hope but didn't want to seem pushy. The scholarship is paying half. Half! It makes the whole thing more than affordable.

God not only gave me a run away; He blessed it. I'm wondering if He'd been just waiting for me to admit that I needed help so He could provide the solution I needed.

I shouldn't have felt guilty for needing help. I should have asked for it long ago. Why is it so hard to admit that I can't handle everything sometimes? Okay, because I'm a control freak. Because I'm a proud, insecure sinner who wants to be competent instead of weak. Who doesn't want to admit I can't do it all--not even close.

I suppose having these health problems will cure me of that if nothing else. Like those women having to leave the camp, I'm forced to stop sometimes. If I keep thinking it's a bad thing, I'll never appreciate it for the gift it is.

Instead of a lecture, God is giving me 3 mornings a week. I'll be able to get more of the rest--physically and emotionally--that I need. Hopefully, it will mean that when my family is home I will be able to be more loving and giving instead of always longing for that little bit of run away.

What about you? What have you needed but not asked God for because you felt guilty? It may be something as simple as some encouragement in your day, or the reminder that you are loved.

After all, God gave us the bodies and personalities they have. He knows the weaknesses that come with them. Why do we try to pretend them away?

Seems I'm not the only one who has this problem.

Yeah, that's more like it.

I'm done trying to be superwoman. That big "S" stands for "sick girl" instead. =) And it's okay.

Trust in him at all times ye people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

More on this refuge idea on Friday...



Related Posts: Feel Guilty, Angry, Sick--I Want To Run Away

When It's Just Too Much

Feel Guilty, Angry, Sick...I Want to Run Away

I'm angry. And tired. And sick.

I'm angry at being tired and sick. I'm tired of being sick and angry. I'm sick of being angry and tired.

That sounds redundant, but it actually isn't. Anyway...

It's been over a month now since I've been on high doses of steroids. There's no helping it. With Addison's, my immune system is compromised, and as long as anybody else in the house is sick, I need to stay on my higher doses until all of us are well again. Being up on the meds has it's good advantages--like not dying and stuff like that. It also has it's side effects--water retention, weight gain, insomnia, poofey face, and this intense feeling that I guess some might call aggression. I think of it as a low-grade anger. Do you know how hard it is to be a good wife and mom when you're ticked off before anybody even starts whining?!

It still creeps me out that JFK was getting shot up with this stuff (plus testosterone) during the Cuban Missile Crisis!

Back to me and my issues. I don't like to admit it, but I've been struggling this round more than usual. It feels like I just can't win. I feel like I'm supposed to be running forward, but all I can manage to do is keep from falling backward, so I'm not gaining any ground but I'm exhausted. I want a break so badly but feel guilty needing one. After all, shouldn't I be able to handle things? Wouldn't God only give me responsibilities I could manage on my own if I'd just quit being such a baby?

Supermom!This is not me.

Well, I finally broke down and admitted I needed help. I expected a guilt-trip lecture from God. What happened...well, first let me tell you about the women in the Bible who had cramps.

Yes, I know that sounds like a major subject change, but stick with me.

In the Old Testament, when a woman was on her period, she was required to leave the Israelite camp and remain outside it until she was "clean" again. Since I'm confessing here, I'll admit that I thought that was pretty mean of God. It wasn't their fault they were feeling like crud. To send them away seemed insult to injury.

"Go away!"

However, one day (probably when I had cramps and wanted to run away), I realized what a gift this actually was. For several days out of the month, God gave every woman in the camp a break. She left, got away, didn't have to force herself to respond to "What's for dinner?" or "Honey, do you know where I put my tunic?" or "Mom, the tent's leaking again!"

Wow, can I go, too? My family is wonderful. It's not them. It's me. Now, before you start envisioning me in a tent in my back yard (What a joke. For one, I can't see lugging all my prescriptions and food requirements out there, and for another I think 50 degrees is freezing so it just ain't gonna happen.), I came up with another idea for getting a break.

So finally, after months of telling myself to just keep going, just suck it up, just get over myself, I opened my mouth and said that I was not doing well. I'm not getting better. The steroids make it hard to sleep and I'm very, very tired. My emotions are freaking out and I just need some help with the everyday responsibilities.

Did God give me that guilt-trip lecture? No. What did He give me?

I'll tell you tomorrow...

Related Posts: My Name is Kimberly and I have Addison's Disease

When It's Just Too Much

Urgent Care, Steroids and Antibiotics--Here I Go Again