Amber's African-Bead Necklaces Fight Human Trafficking!

I love hearing about people fighting human trafficking in creative ways, especially when I can share how you can join in.
Amber Hauser is one of those people. Her sister is going to South Africa to fight trafficking, and Amber is helping make it happen!
I'll let her tell you more about it . . .

Me and Dee-dee

My sister has had a heart for the people of Africa since spending time there in 2008/2009. This past year she felt another cause impressing upon her heart, the issue of human trafficking and slavery. As she served on different service projects through her church in the city of Atlanta, the burden became stronger. She met another young woman who had just returned from Africa serving with Beautiful Dream Society and was instantly drawn to the organization and mission. She began praying about the opportunity and eventually interviewed and was accepted to come and serve for a year in Lesotho with BDS. In a few weeks, she leaves behind all the comfort of the USA, her amazing church, her small group, her bible study, her job, her house, her car....her life....for a chance at helping hurting people.  I am significantly impacted by her choice to follow God in this journey and have to say that I could not be a more proud big sister!  I have a heart for these people as well, but I am not in a position in my life where I can forsake all and give up so much.  I could write a little check to help, but I just had this feeling in my heart, that I needed to do more.  That I had the ability to do more. I work for a talented jewelry designer part-time and started chatting with her about coming up with a necklace that I could sell to help her fund raise.  She helped me find the beautiful fair trade recycled glass beads made by village women in Africa.  She also donated supplies and helped me with design elements of Dee-dee's blog and the necklace website. Thank you, Samantha! I was hoping maybe I'd sell fifty, but was okay if it was less than that because it was more than my little check would be. But all my friends on facebook, instagram, and family and friends in person, blew me away.  As of today, almost 200 necklaces have sold!!  I'm overwhelmed and just humbled that God decided to use a few simple pretty necklaces to, not only help her fund-raise, but spread the word about human trafficking and Beautiful Dream Society! Because it is so much more than a $20 necklace:

 Read some of the statistics below about what the Beautiful Dream society has already accomplished just since 2010 in Lesotho, South Africa.

• Over 4,410 meals served in the Beautiful Dream Society Safe House for victims of human trafficking.
• Over 1,470 beds filled in the safe house.
• 31 victims of human trafficking fed, clothed, empowered, and loved.
• 9 (Xiu Li, Nthaby, Lebo, Maselai, Elsie, Ethel, Adanech, Mamasi, Khethang) survivors of human trafficking and 6 children assisted in our transition program with occupational and educational transition into society (Distance learning, sewing school, sewing instructor, driving school, farming job, baking business).
• 38 (2011-2012) awareness events presented to young people throughout the country of Lesotho to warn them of the dangers of human trafficking.
• First ever conviction of a human trafficking perpetrator in the country of Lesotho.
• Scholarships for young women and vulnerable orphans by providing their tuition and funding their school expenses. Without this assistance, these young people would not be able to attend school.
• Implemented life skills, creative arts, computer skills, English lessons, art therapy, group therapy, self-esteem & empowerment program into our Crisis Care Program.
• Clients placed in internships and employment.
• Implementation of skills and job training programs and income generating activities.
• Over twenty client appearances in court.
• BDS (Beautiful Dream Society) signed a Memorandum of Understanding with the Ministry of Social Development.
• BDS maintains a strong partnership with the U.S Embassy.
• Developed and continued partnerships with several government ministries and non-governmental organization’s.
• BDS is a member and active participant of the Multi-Sectoral Committee. This committee is made up of government ministries and NGO’s in order to combat human trafficking in Lesotho. During these meetings we have assisted in drafting regulations for the Anti-Trafficking in Person’s Act of 2011, National Action Plan, the referral mechanisms and provided information to the U.S. State Department for the yearly Trafficking in Persons Report.

I don't know about you, but that gives me chill bumps.  THAT is what this is all about!  Every time you share about your necklace and share about this amazing organization, you can spread hope for some of the most helpless souls on our earth.    You can purchase your necklace or t-shirt HERE! You should also know that I am not making ANY money off of these!  I'm giving 100% of the profit straight to her fund-raising campaign!

Trafficking, 12-year-olds, and Willow Smith's new Music Video

I have spoken on human trafficking in churches and school, libraries and conference rooms, to groups of hundreds and groups of less than a dozen. I have researched and studied trafficking, and discovered things I have shared with many others. I have also discovered things so horrible I will never tell you.

Tonight, I came across Willow Smith's new music video about having a summer fling, and I'm so disturbed I can't not write about it. Not the video itself, or the music, but how it collides with something else--a statistic.

Willow Smith is twelve years old.

The average age for an American girl to get trafficked is 12-14.

Before you think I've gone off the deep end, let me share with you what was disturbing to me about the video, and then please take the time to let me say why.

What disturbed me about what I heard in the song:
1. She's taking walks at midnight and lying on the beach with a guy she barely knows.
2. She's calling him, he's calling her, hanging out, kissing.
3. She mentions many times, "It's just a couple months, but we do it anyway."
4. She talks about them saying, "I love you," when the whole song is about it being just a summer fling.
5. "You say that I'm the one. I say it's just for fun."

What disturbed me about what I saw in the video:
1. A twelve-year-old flirting, touching, being touched, by a guy she barely knows.
2. The guy being nowhere near twelve years old.
3. Lots of couples touching, including what I think was a lesbian couple (with colored hair and lots of tattoos--maybe to show her sense of diversity?)
4. Absolutely no adults anywhere.




Now, before you think I'm saying Willow Smith has anything to do with trafficking, I'll say now I seriously doubt she has any idea her music video and song present a recipe traffickers love.

And that's my point.

Back to the statistic that the average age for a girl to get trafficked is 12-14. Why do you think that is?

I don't think 12-14-year-olds are targeted because girls are most desirable at that age. Trafficking is exploiting vulnerability, and younger girls are more vulnerable to exploitation. They are ripe for targeting. They are easier to lie to, entice, and ultimately take into a world so destructive, the life expectancy is a mere five years.

Here's what I'm talking about. Willow Smith's video shows girls that having an older guy pay attention to them is cool and makes them cool. Having him call them, pursue them, and touch them, despite not knowing them for very long, and having no intention of building a genuine lasting relationship, is cool. As she sings over and over (and over--52 times that I counted), "...do it anyway."

Traffickers know this is a very effective seduction to young girls. A trafficker isn't necessarily an old, ugly guy who looks like the bad guy. Sometimes they are young, well-dressed, and very attractive. These traffickers know that a young girl feels special when an older guy notices her, pays attention to her, gives her things. So a trafficker targets a girl who is vulnerable (say, one who is looking for approval, shows off her body to get attention, has no adult keeping track of her schedule or activities, or is considering running away). He finds out what she longs for and provides it. He becomes what she needs, until she not only trusts him, but feels loved by him. As one very effective trafficker said with a smile, "I sell dreams."

Willow Smith's video scares me. Not just for her (Why would her parents let her be out at midnight with some guy they don't even know, much less make a song and video about it?), but for all the 12 and 10 and 8-year-old girls who are going to watch it, memorize the song, and wish they could be like her.

(FYI: If you think I'm going for shock factor here, trying to convince you of something, I'd like to let you know that what I'm saying is just surface information. This doesn't even touch the shock value aspects of this.)

So what should parents do? If you have a young girl, help her choose her influences wisely. Use things like this music video to start conversations about things that really matter. This short video could spark questions like:
1. Do you think a girl that young should have a boyfriend? Why or why not?
2. Do you think having a relationship with someone you don't really know is good? Can you think of how it could be bad or dangerous?
3. Why do you think I don't let you _______________?
4. What should you do if a guy you like starts to _____________________?
5. Do you know where the line is between touching that is okay and touching that is not?
6. If someone crosses that line, do you know that it's okay to do whatever you have to do to get away from him? What are some things you could do?

As much as I wish it were not true, 12-year-old girls need to know what is the boundary between acceptable and unacceptable touch. They need to be trained on how to get out of a dangerous situation. And they need to know that if something bad happens to them, that you are never going to blame them for it, but you will help them. They need to know to never keep something like that a secret, and they need to know if they came to you and told you something like that, that you would not brush it off or let it fall into silence.

They also need to know the lines exploiters use, such as:
1. If you love me, you'll ___________.
2. You owe me.
3. It's your fault because of what you wore/said/did.
4. You're bad. You shouldn't tell because everyone will know you did something bad.
5. If you tell, I'll _______________________.
6. I couldn't help it. I'll never do it again.

I hate the idea of even talking about this with my daughter when she gets older. Before I started studying trafficking, I thought age 16 would be a good age to bring it up. Maybe 15. I never imagined I'd have to be ready to discuss this at age 10or 11.

But unfortunately, that's one of the reasons 12-14 year olds are so exploitable. Their lack of knowledge and lack of training makes them vulnerable. Add to that a culture that says being pursued by an older guy when you're a pre-teen makes you special, and you have a truly dangerous situation.

Perhaps this music video will show parents that they should be more involved in what their children watch and listen to. Perhaps it will convince us to talk with our children and prepare them for this world. Perhaps it will even spark the desire to give them an understanding of their own value, so much so that they don't need to get their sense of worth from a summer fling, an older guy, or even a famous music career.

If that happens, then maybe watching the video wasn't a bad thing after all.

What do you think this video tells young girls? Do you think the controversy over this video is warranted?

Related Posts:   Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers aren't that Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Galmourization of Prostitution

Beyonce's Halftime Show and Human Trafficking

A Letter to Victoria Secret from a Father

The average age for a girl in America to be trafficked is 12-14. Out society's sexualization of young girls only fuels this problem.

Men are not always the problem. Sometimes they are the heroes, the solution.

One such man, a father who believes girls should have value beyond their bodies, has written a letter to Victory Secret. The letter got over two million views and was addressed on multiple news outlets. I loved it so much, I asked him if I could share it with you.

He said yes.

*********

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

This one's called "The Date Panty"

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
 
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom. 

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,
Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

*********

Thank you to Rev. Evan and all the men out there who value their daughters, their wives, and all women. Every girl needs to know there are men who want to defend them, not exploit them.

Please leave a comment below for Rev. Evan, Victoria's Secret, or any girl tempted to place her value in her body or what she wears.


Related Posts: Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers aren't that Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Writing Wednesdays: How To Make Great Website Content

Joyce Jones with Segovia Studies did my brand new website and it's excellent. There are scores of things on there I never could have done myself.  You can check it out at kimberlyrae.com
and see the great job she did. She's so creative!

Testimonial Page Joyce made for my Website

So how did I get a great website? With an expert instead of myself!

However, no matter how good Joyce's work is, I had to provide the content. What did I want to say? How did I want to present myself to the world? An amazing website is great but if you don't have any reason for people to stay other than to be impressed at the site itself, that's like those movies that have great special effects but no plot. You might watch it once, but you probably won't come back.

So whether you're building your own website or having it designed. here are some things to think about:

1. Why are you creating a website? Is the main purpose for people to get to know you, find out about what you care about, buy your books? That answer should drive your content.

2. Keep it clean. I have a hard time with this. I love pictures and colors, but when I posted on Linked asking advice about my blog background, pretty much everyone said it was distracting and did not attract them but rather the opposite. I loved the photo I had in the background, but if it was going to make me lose readers it had to go. Joyce designed my website without a background color or photo. It looks very clean. Since there is so much information on a website, you don't want to distract from that with a lot of 'decorating.'

3. Be focused and targeted. After reading from experts like Rog Eager and Michael Hyatt, I realized I was being pretty random about growing my platform--lots of effort but not necessarily well-targeted effort. My current goal is to get people to sign up for my e-mail newsletter so I can tell them when the Sick & Tired series launches, so I've started focusing a lot of attention toward that (speaking of, if you sign up on the website, www.kimberlyrae.com, for my newsletter, you get a free download of my award-winning book, From Africa With Love!)

4.  Less is sometimes better. Have you ever been to a store where they had so many choices it was unpleasantly overwhelming? I was doing that with social media. I put all kinds of links out there--pinterest, Facebook, goodreads, twitter, etc. Then I realized I was doing things backwards. Instead of using my website and blog to get people to all those other social media sites, I should be using those sites to get people back to my website. I've removed everything from my e-mail signature except for my 'brand' phrase and my website. I also removed most of those things from this blog and left only the website for people to go to.

5. Have a recognizable brand. Seems everybody is talking about this these days. Having some phrase of 3-6 words that defines what you do or what you have to offer is apparently quite important. And it makes sense. You don't see movie titles or book titles that are really long. The shorter and more succinct they are, the easier they are to talk about. Like the movie, Taken. First people would say, "Have you seen Taken?" Then when I said no, they could elaborate on how it's about human trafficking, etc., but the short title made it easier to pass the word and word of mouth sells.

I had a hard time deciding my brand in the sense of everything being a consistent color and phrase. Since I write suspense on human trafficking, but also humor and encouragement for people with chronic health problems, I ended up deciding on two 'themes.' My trafficking one is red and black, but my author website and Sick & Tired materials are all a more cheerful green. My phrase for both is, "Know Your Worth, Change The World."

The experts say get a professional photograph done. I never bothered, but when Joyce (who not only creates amazing websites but is a professional photographer) posted the photos she took, I could see why they say it's worth it. She made me look better than I actually do! =)

It pays to do your homework. I've started following blogs of people more knowledgeable in this whole area than myself, and I've learned so many new things that are really helping me grow with marketing. You can be a great writer but you also need a great presence these days. I hope some of this will help you develop that great presence that makes people keep wanting to come back for more!

What do you find hardest about developing your brand or targeting your readers?


Videos on my Website: Why I Wrote the Stolen Series

Are You Sick & Tired of Feeling Sick & Tired?

Welcome to kimberlyrae.com!

Why I'm An Abolitionist

The first time someone called me an abolitionist, I squirmed a little. That was a big word. A term for people like William Wilberforce or the others who gave their whole lives to delivering people from bondage. Not people like me. I just care, and am doing a tiny bit in the big fight.

Hmm. I care, and am doing a tiny bit.

If I were talking with you about fighting human trafficking, I would say that if you care, and you are doing something, then you are part of the fight. It doesn't have to do everything--nobody can do everything. If you're praying, raising awareness, having a jewelry party (see Fighting HT with Jewelry, Parties and a New Book), giving money, buying fair trade, putting S.O.A.Ps in hotels (see 7000 bars of soap to fight Human Trafficking ) or keeping the hotline number on hand in case you see something (1-888-373-7888), you are part of the global fight against slavery. You are an abolitionist.

I guess that makes me one, too.

My part? I pray, I speak at schools, churches, libraries, etc. on human trafficking--not just the problem but how people can be part of the solution. I funnel information through my Facebook page on what is happening and how people can get involved. With my health problems, I can't physically do as much as I'd like, but I got to tell others about the S.O.A.P. opportunity in Charlotte and several people went. Whatever resulted from that day, I was part of it. I have three Amazon bestselling books out that take those big overwhelming numbers (20 million slaves in the world today) and bring them down to one girl's story, reminding us all that making a difference isn't just about changing the big numbers; it's about rescuing people. One at a time.

I think my biggest addition to the fight is that I care about not just rescuing people from something bad, but to something good. That's the big point of the first book in the series. For so many, rescue is not enough; they end up right back in that life, even more hopeless than before. There were no other jobs for them, they thought that was all they were good for, the person who sold them the first time sold them again, etc.. For me, the most important aspect of delivering the captives is giving them the ultimate freedom and lasting hope of Jesus Christ--who loves them unconditionally and wants them to live with worth and joy.

And captivity isn't just those who are obviously trafficked. It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused as a child (1 in 6 boys) and that is a prime training ground for future exploitation. I met a woman who had been raped at age 15 by a 30-year-old man and when she got pregnant, her father forced her to marry him, not believing her story. She spent years going to church on Sunday morning and then going home to a husband who abused her. A woman now working in a strip club used to teach Sunday School, before everything got really bad.

I want to stop human trafficking before it starts. To teach young girls and boys their worth, so that they do not seek it in dangerous places. To teach women and men that what has happened to them does not define them, so they can be free of their past and have hope for the future.

Jesus came to set the captives free. Those of us who are abolitionists are part of that. 

Why am I an abolitionist? Because no one should wake up afraid. Because no one should live without hope or love. Because I have so many freedoms and others have none. Because Jesus said to love my neighbor as myself, and that it is more blessed to give than receive.

Most of all, because every hurting child, every broken woman, every enslaved man is loved with an everlasting love by God Himself. And if I love God, I must love them too. They are part of who He is.

Why do you fight? Tell us your tiny bit. If you're part of an organization, feel free to add links and websites so others can find you and get involved!

Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:9



Related Posts:  Teen Girls: Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers Aren't That Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Why Bother?

Feel Guilty, Angry, Sick...I Want to Run Away

I'm angry. And tired. And sick.

I'm angry at being tired and sick. I'm tired of being sick and angry. I'm sick of being angry and tired.

That sounds redundant, but it actually isn't. Anyway...

It's been over a month now since I've been on high doses of steroids. There's no helping it. With Addison's, my immune system is compromised, and as long as anybody else in the house is sick, I need to stay on my higher doses until all of us are well again. Being up on the meds has it's good advantages--like not dying and stuff like that. It also has it's side effects--water retention, weight gain, insomnia, poofey face, and this intense feeling that I guess some might call aggression. I think of it as a low-grade anger. Do you know how hard it is to be a good wife and mom when you're ticked off before anybody even starts whining?!

It still creeps me out that JFK was getting shot up with this stuff (plus testosterone) during the Cuban Missile Crisis!

Back to me and my issues. I don't like to admit it, but I've been struggling this round more than usual. It feels like I just can't win. I feel like I'm supposed to be running forward, but all I can manage to do is keep from falling backward, so I'm not gaining any ground but I'm exhausted. I want a break so badly but feel guilty needing one. After all, shouldn't I be able to handle things? Wouldn't God only give me responsibilities I could manage on my own if I'd just quit being such a baby?

Supermom!This is not me.

Well, I finally broke down and admitted I needed help. I expected a guilt-trip lecture from God. What happened...well, first let me tell you about the women in the Bible who had cramps.

Yes, I know that sounds like a major subject change, but stick with me.

In the Old Testament, when a woman was on her period, she was required to leave the Israelite camp and remain outside it until she was "clean" again. Since I'm confessing here, I'll admit that I thought that was pretty mean of God. It wasn't their fault they were feeling like crud. To send them away seemed insult to injury.

"Go away!"

However, one day (probably when I had cramps and wanted to run away), I realized what a gift this actually was. For several days out of the month, God gave every woman in the camp a break. She left, got away, didn't have to force herself to respond to "What's for dinner?" or "Honey, do you know where I put my tunic?" or "Mom, the tent's leaking again!"

Wow, can I go, too? My family is wonderful. It's not them. It's me. Now, before you start envisioning me in a tent in my back yard (What a joke. For one, I can't see lugging all my prescriptions and food requirements out there, and for another I think 50 degrees is freezing so it just ain't gonna happen.), I came up with another idea for getting a break.

So finally, after months of telling myself to just keep going, just suck it up, just get over myself, I opened my mouth and said that I was not doing well. I'm not getting better. The steroids make it hard to sleep and I'm very, very tired. My emotions are freaking out and I just need some help with the everyday responsibilities.

Did God give me that guilt-trip lecture? No. What did He give me?

I'll tell you tomorrow...

Related Posts: My Name is Kimberly and I have Addison's Disease

When It's Just Too Much

Urgent Care, Steroids and Antibiotics--Here I Go Again

Chainsaws, Rosebushes, and Other Detriments to Marriage Part 2

            If you've had times you felt like your spouse is hacking away at your words and meanings (or rosebushes!) with a chainsaw, here's Part 2:

 

            So how do we keep from allowing assumptions to cause problems?

1.  Communicate!  Don’t assume your spouse is thinking the same things you’re thinking. Talk about what you are thinking, and ask what he or she is thinking. “What is your opinion on that?” “Where are you coming from?”  “Why do you think that?”   “Can you elaborate, please?”

2.  Either find out, or let go.  If you decide not to ask why, or find out what’s behind the action or reaction, then let it go.  This is my person struggle.  I can tell myself all the good things, then still stew over it for days.  When I do that, we’re not right.   I can mess up days for our marriage, not because of what my husband did or said, but because I can’t let go of what I felt like he meant by it.

3.  Pray, pray, pray.  One of the best ways to not assume the worst is to be daily in prayer for your spouse and your own attitude.

4.  Don’t get used to your spouse.  Don’t assume you know everything there is to know about your husband or wife. Ask questions about childhood, goals and ambitions, dreams.  “What is your happiest memory of childhood, our marriage, our children, etc?” “Who were your heroes?” “Do you have anyone you look up to now?”

            The more we know someone, the less we assume they think and act like we do.    As one husband told me profoundly, “You shouldn’t assume your wife likes to clean the toilet just because she does it.” Amen!

            Trying to avoid the assumption trap is an overwhelming challenge.  But, thanks to Jesus Christ and His salvation, we have all the resources we need to be “more than conquerors” in every area of our lives, including marriage!  Christ gives us all the strength we need to dissolve the assumption upsets in our daily lives.  “God wants us to accept our mates as they are,” one wife says, “a beautiful work of God’s art in the making.” 

            So, learn and ask and pray.  Give yourself, your spouse, and your marriage over to the Lord’s control.  Allow God to change you today, and your spouse tomorrow.  In the

end, you can avoid a chopped up climbing rosebush, a confused husband, and an emotional conflict—and everybody’s happy!

Well, what do you think? Is it possible for people from two genders (two different planets if you ask some people!) to be able to genuinely communicate without the painful barrier of assumptions? Have you had a success story in your marriage of a time when you overcame assumptions? Please share!

P.S. I've made it 2 weeks on my resolution, and I'm learning some pretty amazing things. Will share next week!

P.P.S. Don't forget, my suspense/romance is FREE TODAY on Kindle!!! Just go to amazon.com and look up "Stolen Woman," and please pass the word!

Related Posts:  Chainsaws, Rosebushes, and Other Detriments to Marriage Part 1

My Impossible, Ridiculous Until-New-Years Marriage Resolution

Chainsaws, Rosebushes, and Other Detriments to Marriage

If you're back to find out how I'm doing on that marriage resolution I made (not speaking out negatively to argue or rebuke or accuse my husband--not even once--till the end of the year), I think I've done pretty good so far, though you'd have to ask my husband to be sure. What has surprised me is how many times I have had to bite my tongue (sometimes literally!) to keep from sharing my negative feelings about even little, insignificant things. Fasting is a strange thing; it reveals to us just how often our cravings master us. 

One time just yesterday something was said that I wanted to react in defensiveness to, but of course I couldn't without blowing my resolution--and since it's only the first week that would be pretty pathetic. I kept my mouth shut and the moment passed, and we ended up having a great evening instead of the tense and likely unpleasant hours that might have resulted by me spouting my negative response. Hmm, maybe I'm learning something already.

On to week 2! In the meantime, here's a funny true story that actually does involved chainsaws and rosebushes...

            My mother has always loved rosebushes.  I think perhaps her favorite was a climbing rosebush that grew right outside the kitchen window of my small, childhood home in Jacksonville, Florida.  It started out small, but Mom waited as the months passed, excited to see the rosebush slowly but persistently creep up the wall toward the kitchen window.

She was so happy when that rosebush had finally climbed high enough to be seen from the kitchen window.

Mom was pointing it out to a friend as they talked together in the kitchen one day when they heard a whirring sound outside the window.  Suddenly, the rosebush was gone.  Bewildered, my mom turned to see my dad come into the house, stating proudly, “I trimmed that bush that was getting too big!”

            Assumptions.  They creep into our thoughts and make a cozy home there, so familiar and reasonable to our own minds that we don’t even realize they are only assumptions until, say, a rosebush comes crashing down, and a husband and wife now have an emotional issue to deal with.

            Assumptions can cause problems from the smallest choices, like what’s for dinner, to the life-changing choices, like financing a house or having children. 

            God designed us so we cannot read other people’s minds, and no one can read our minds (thankfully!).  Somehow, however, we end up thinking that people think through our frame of reference, act and react out of the same motivations that we would, and their words mean the same as they would if they were coming from our mouths. 

And in my opinion, the place where assumptions cause the most damage is in our marriages.

            How can assuming get us into trouble in our marriages?

            When we assume, we can decide our spouses are insensitive or unreasonable.   “He is so selfish!”  “She gets defensive of the littlest things!”  We react out of hurt or our own selfishness.  They react to us . . . .

            And the beat goes on.

            The cycle of hurt grows as it continues.        

            Assumption problems often come from different styles of communication.

            We know the typical: men mean what they say and say what they mean.  Women communicate with words or silence, gestures or tones, facial expressions or body language.  This does not apply in every case of course (don’t assume it does!), but many women read into their husbands non-verbal communication. 

            The husband may be “shouting” things with his non-verbals that he doesn’t intend or feel at all, while the wife may be “shouting” things with her non-verbals on purpose, but he doesn’t notice them because he is only listening to her words.

            Assumptions will cause problems in our conflicts.

            Put any man and woman together, and most likely they will face conflict differently.  Face them head on.  Retreat and hope they go away.  Pretend they don’t exist.   And any given method comes along with assumptions about the reasons for the other person’s methods, assumptions that are likely wrong.

            Why?  Because the motives behind your spouse’s actions and words and probably different than what your motives would be had you used the same actions or words.

You might decide your husband slammed the door out of spite and anger, when really his hands were full and he kicked it hard to make sure it shut tight.  So he goes on his way, assuming nothing is wrong, and returns to find you fuming about how insensitive and cold-hearted he is!

            So how do we keep from allowing assumptions to cause problems?

           Tune in Next Friday for Part 2!

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Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Aoi, a Thai prostitute, said, 

"I don't know what's love...I want love, but I know me...
Me is no good...No people can love me."

In Thailand, known as the sexual playground of the world, of the woman in their 20s, 1 in 6 is in some kind prostitution.

Click here to watch a video on Thailand's Need 

It's easy to assume prostitutes are all "bad girls," or girls who are willing to do anything for money.

Easy to assume, but wrong.

Yes, there are girls who will sell their bodies for money, but the more I learn about human trafficking and human bondage, the more I do not assume such things when I hear of or see someone who looks like they enjoy this "job" of selling themselves.

"They have to be the best actresses in the world," a friend says. "They have to smile, pretend they like this, when they hate it." She has met many prostitutes, and has heard many stories. One was sold into it by her father. Another just wanted to be loved.

I was sickened to hear that several of the American prostitutes she encountered came into that life willingly after watching the "romantic comedy" Pretty Woman. They thought the happily-ever-after love story might happen to them.

It didn't. Pretty Woman was originally intended to be a dark drama on the evils of prostitution--such movies, however, do not sell nearly as well as a lie, making the main character spunky and in charge of her own life, a heroine, making the client a good guy who rescues her from the life even though he himself paid to borrow her body.

Makes me sick. I have a friend who began selling herself to pay for the drug habit started by her drug-pushing father. I have another friend who was trafficked here in America and is now free. Their stories would not make a romantic comedy. I have never heard of one real-life prostitute who was spunky and happy and in control of her future.

In fact, the average life span of a girl brought into the world of human trafficking is 5 years. Five years until the drugs or the violence or the "job" itself kills her, and another is brought in to take her place.

What does this mean for those of us who hate the idea of prostitution?
1. Hate the evil, not the person. 
2. Don't assume you know why someone does what they do. They have a story; take the time to hear it.
3. Treat every person with the value they were given when created in the image of God.
4. When you see someone you initially want to judge, pray for that person instead.
5. If you see someone in this life who looks fearful or under another's control, call the Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-788 (888-3737-888) and give them a chance at freedom.
6. Thank God for His grace in your own life. There are girls all over the world who grow up in brothels, who have no options but to one day join "the line." If you were born into freedom, thank God for it.
7. Teach girls their worth in Christ, that their worth is not in how much attention they can get for their looks or their bodies.

The Democratic National Convention starts today. If you've been reading this blog, you know there are believers down in Charlotte who have prepared and prayed for this event, ready not only to rescue girls from something bad, but to something good. Please pray with me that God will deliver captives this week and bring them to those who can give them real freedom and everlasting hope.

Then lets all see beyond the outfits and even the outward actions, and look into broken hearts needing the love of a Father, the love of a Savior, the love of a friend.