Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Aoi, a Thai prostitute, said, 

"I don't know what's love...I want love, but I know me...
Me is no good...No people can love me."

In Thailand, known as the sexual playground of the world, of the woman in their 20s, 1 in 6 is in some kind prostitution.

Click here to watch a video on Thailand's Need 

It's easy to assume prostitutes are all "bad girls," or girls who are willing to do anything for money.

Easy to assume, but wrong.

Yes, there are girls who will sell their bodies for money, but the more I learn about human trafficking and human bondage, the more I do not assume such things when I hear of or see someone who looks like they enjoy this "job" of selling themselves.

"They have to be the best actresses in the world," a friend says. "They have to smile, pretend they like this, when they hate it." She has met many prostitutes, and has heard many stories. One was sold into it by her father. Another just wanted to be loved.

I was sickened to hear that several of the American prostitutes she encountered came into that life willingly after watching the "romantic comedy" Pretty Woman. They thought the happily-ever-after love story might happen to them.

It didn't. Pretty Woman was originally intended to be a dark drama on the evils of prostitution--such movies, however, do not sell nearly as well as a lie, making the main character spunky and in charge of her own life, a heroine, making the client a good guy who rescues her from the life even though he himself paid to borrow her body.

Makes me sick. I have a friend who began selling herself to pay for the drug habit started by her drug-pushing father. I have another friend who was trafficked here in America and is now free. Their stories would not make a romantic comedy. I have never heard of one real-life prostitute who was spunky and happy and in control of her future.

In fact, the average life span of a girl brought into the world of human trafficking is 5 years. Five years until the drugs or the violence or the "job" itself kills her, and another is brought in to take her place.

What does this mean for those of us who hate the idea of prostitution?
1. Hate the evil, not the person. 
2. Don't assume you know why someone does what they do. They have a story; take the time to hear it.
3. Treat every person with the value they were given when created in the image of God.
4. When you see someone you initially want to judge, pray for that person instead.
5. If you see someone in this life who looks fearful or under another's control, call the Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-788 (888-3737-888) and give them a chance at freedom.
6. Thank God for His grace in your own life. There are girls all over the world who grow up in brothels, who have no options but to one day join "the line." If you were born into freedom, thank God for it.
7. Teach girls their worth in Christ, that their worth is not in how much attention they can get for their looks or their bodies.

The Democratic National Convention starts today. If you've been reading this blog, you know there are believers down in Charlotte who have prepared and prayed for this event, ready not only to rescue girls from something bad, but to something good. Please pray with me that God will deliver captives this week and bring them to those who can give them real freedom and everlasting hope.

Then lets all see beyond the outfits and even the outward actions, and look into broken hearts needing the love of a Father, the love of a Savior, the love of a friend.

Why I'm An Abolitionist

The first time someone called me an abolitionist, I squirmed a little. That was a big word. A term for people like William Wilberforce or the others who gave their whole lives to delivering people from bondage. Not people like me. I just care, and am doing a tiny bit in the big fight.

Hmm. I care, and am doing a tiny bit.

If I were talking with you about fighting human trafficking, I would say that if you care, and you are doing something, then you are part of the fight. It doesn't have to do everything--nobody can do everything. If you're praying, raising awareness, having a jewelry party (see Fighting HT with Jewelry, Parties and a New Book), giving money, buying fair trade, putting S.O.A.Ps in hotels (see 7000 bars of soap to fight Human Trafficking ) or keeping the hotline number on hand in case you see something (1-888-373-7888), you are part of the global fight against slavery. You are an abolitionist.

I guess that makes me one, too.

My part? I pray, I speak at schools, churches, libraries, etc. on human trafficking--not just the problem but how people can be part of the solution. I funnel information through my Facebook page on what is happening and how people can get involved. With my health problems, I can't physically do as much as I'd like, but I got to tell others about the S.O.A.P. opportunity in Charlotte and several people went. Whatever resulted from that day, I was part of it. I have three Amazon bestselling books out that take those big overwhelming numbers (20 million slaves in the world today) and bring them down to one girl's story, reminding us all that making a difference isn't just about changing the big numbers; it's about rescuing people. One at a time.

I think my biggest addition to the fight is that I care about not just rescuing people from something bad, but to something good. That's the big point of the first book in the series. For so many, rescue is not enough; they end up right back in that life, even more hopeless than before. There were no other jobs for them, they thought that was all they were good for, the person who sold them the first time sold them again, etc.. For me, the most important aspect of delivering the captives is giving them the ultimate freedom and lasting hope of Jesus Christ--who loves them unconditionally and wants them to live with worth and joy.

And captivity isn't just those who are obviously trafficked. It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused as a child (1 in 6 boys) and that is a prime training ground for future exploitation. I met a woman who had been raped at age 15 by a 30-year-old man and when she got pregnant, her father forced her to marry him, not believing her story. She spent years going to church on Sunday morning and then going home to a husband who abused her. A woman now working in a strip club used to teach Sunday School, before everything got really bad.

I want to stop human trafficking before it starts. To teach young girls and boys their worth, so that they do not seek it in dangerous places. To teach women and men that what has happened to them does not define them, so they can be free of their past and have hope for the future.

Jesus came to set the captives free. Those of us who are abolitionists are part of that. 

Why am I an abolitionist? Because no one should wake up afraid. Because no one should live without hope or love. Because I have so many freedoms and others have none. Because Jesus said to love my neighbor as myself, and that it is more blessed to give than receive.

Most of all, because every hurting child, every broken woman, every enslaved man is loved with an everlasting love by God Himself. And if I love God, I must love them too. They are part of who He is.

Why do you fight? Tell us your tiny bit. If you're part of an organization, feel free to add links and websites so others can find you and get involved!

Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:9



Related Posts:  Teen Girls: Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers Aren't That Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Why Bother?

Trafficking and Teen Girls--Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Bad Guys aren't that Stupid

Nancy Drew books were fun. She was always getting kidnapped or held hostage. The bad guys would say, "We're going to kill you," but then they'd go to the grocery store or somewhere else, giving her a couple of hours to come up with a creative way to escape.

 

Thanks in part to Nancy, I grew up thinking that to be captured was cool, that it would be exciting to get close to danger because there was always a way out, and I would be a heroine.

Then I grew up. I found out that Nancy Drew isn't real, and the bad guys aren't that stupid.

Sadly, there are girls who don't figure that out in time. I have a friend who works with prostitutes. Several of them said they got into prostitution after watching the movie Pretty Woman, about a prostitute who meets a nice, rich guy, they fall in love and live happily ever after. These girls thought that might happen to them.

But it doesn't.

Since my suspense/romance novels on human trafficking have come out (www.stolenwoman.org), I've had the opportunity to speak to lots of groups of women and girls. Teen girls are especially important to me, because in America, they are the ones at risk. In the US, the big target is runaways. Pimps are good at seeing what a girl is seeking and becoming that...for a time, until they are trapped.

I want to talk with teen girls because they can make a difference. Not just by getting involved in different activist groups. They can make a difference themselves, where they are. And you can, too. Here's how:

For parents:
1. Teach teen girls to find their worth in Jesus Christ, so they don't look for it in dangerous places.
2. Keep open communication with your teenager. Be the kind of person they can come to if they are struggling.
3. Be real with your teen about the dangers out there, especially on the internet. Predators can pose as young girls, or even be young girls working for traffickers. Know who your kids hang out with online.

For teen girls:
1. Know how much you are loved and valued by God. The One who made the universe says you are worth dying for. That's pretty amazing. (Psalm 139, Jeremiah 31:3, Zephaniah 3:17, John 3:16)
2. Don't look for your worth, or try to prove your worth, by your looks, your body, or the attention you can get from guys, especially the older, edgy kind. I know if feels powerful, but it is often a door to a place you don't want to go.
3. Never, ever go alone to meet someone you met over the internet. If someone online even suggests a meeting, tell your parents about it. I'm in my 30s and I've been propositioned online--it happens.
4. Befriend the girls on the fringe, the ones who--if they disappeared--people would assume they ran away. Those girls are targeted, so your friendship could actually save their lives.
5. If you know your worth in Jesus, share it with other girls, so they don't need to be looking for it in the wrong places either.

Nancy Drew stories aren't true, but that does not mean that happy endings are impossible. We can change the world, one person, one heart at a time.

Let's start with the hearts of the girls closest to us.

A Letter to Victoria Secret from a Father

The average age for a girl in America to be trafficked is 12-14. Out society's sexualization of young girls only fuels this problem.

Men are not always the problem. Sometimes they are the heroes, the solution.

One such man, a father who believes girls should have value beyond their bodies, has written a letter to Victory Secret. The letter got over two million views and was addressed on multiple news outlets. I loved it so much, I asked him if I could share it with you.

He said yes.

*********

Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

This one's called "The Date Panty"

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
 
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom. 

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves… not will a boy (or girl) like me if I wear a “call me” thong?

I want my daughter to know that she is perfect the way she is; I want my daughter to know that no matter what underwear she is wearing it does not define her.

I believe that this new line “Bright Young Things” thwarts the efforts of empowering young women in this country. “Bright Young Things” gives off the message that women are sex objects. This new line promotes it at a dangerously young age.

I implore you to reconsider your decision to start this line.

By doing so you will put young girl’s self-esteem, self-worth and pride above profits.

Sincerely,
Rev. Evan Dolive
Houston, TX

*********

Thank you to Rev. Evan and all the men out there who value their daughters, their wives, and all women. Every girl needs to know there are men who want to defend them, not exploit them.

Please leave a comment below for Rev. Evan, Victoria's Secret, or any girl tempted to place her value in her body or what she wears.


Related Posts: Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers aren't that Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Glamorization of Prostitution

Feel Guilty, Angry, Sick...I Want to Run Away

I'm angry. And tired. And sick.

I'm angry at being tired and sick. I'm tired of being sick and angry. I'm sick of being angry and tired.

That sounds redundant, but it actually isn't. Anyway...

It's been over a month now since I've been on high doses of steroids. There's no helping it. With Addison's, my immune system is compromised, and as long as anybody else in the house is sick, I need to stay on my higher doses until all of us are well again. Being up on the meds has it's good advantages--like not dying and stuff like that. It also has it's side effects--water retention, weight gain, insomnia, poofey face, and this intense feeling that I guess some might call aggression. I think of it as a low-grade anger. Do you know how hard it is to be a good wife and mom when you're ticked off before anybody even starts whining?!

It still creeps me out that JFK was getting shot up with this stuff (plus testosterone) during the Cuban Missile Crisis!

Back to me and my issues. I don't like to admit it, but I've been struggling this round more than usual. It feels like I just can't win. I feel like I'm supposed to be running forward, but all I can manage to do is keep from falling backward, so I'm not gaining any ground but I'm exhausted. I want a break so badly but feel guilty needing one. After all, shouldn't I be able to handle things? Wouldn't God only give me responsibilities I could manage on my own if I'd just quit being such a baby?

Supermom!This is not me.

Well, I finally broke down and admitted I needed help. I expected a guilt-trip lecture from God. What happened...well, first let me tell you about the women in the Bible who had cramps.

Yes, I know that sounds like a major subject change, but stick with me.

In the Old Testament, when a woman was on her period, she was required to leave the Israelite camp and remain outside it until she was "clean" again. Since I'm confessing here, I'll admit that I thought that was pretty mean of God. It wasn't their fault they were feeling like crud. To send them away seemed insult to injury.

"Go away!"

However, one day (probably when I had cramps and wanted to run away), I realized what a gift this actually was. For several days out of the month, God gave every woman in the camp a break. She left, got away, didn't have to force herself to respond to "What's for dinner?" or "Honey, do you know where I put my tunic?" or "Mom, the tent's leaking again!"

Wow, can I go, too? My family is wonderful. It's not them. It's me. Now, before you start envisioning me in a tent in my back yard (What a joke. For one, I can't see lugging all my prescriptions and food requirements out there, and for another I think 50 degrees is freezing so it just ain't gonna happen.), I came up with another idea for getting a break.

So finally, after months of telling myself to just keep going, just suck it up, just get over myself, I opened my mouth and said that I was not doing well. I'm not getting better. The steroids make it hard to sleep and I'm very, very tired. My emotions are freaking out and I just need some help with the everyday responsibilities.

Did God give me that guilt-trip lecture? No. What did He give me?

I'll tell you tomorrow...

Related Posts: My Name is Kimberly and I have Addison's Disease

When It's Just Too Much

Urgent Care, Steroids and Antibiotics--Here I Go Again

Chainsaws, Rosebushes, and Other Detriments to Marriage

If you're back to find out how I'm doing on that marriage resolution I made (not speaking out negatively to argue or rebuke or accuse my husband--not even once--till the end of the year), I think I've done pretty good so far, though you'd have to ask my husband to be sure. What has surprised me is how many times I have had to bite my tongue (sometimes literally!) to keep from sharing my negative feelings about even little, insignificant things. Fasting is a strange thing; it reveals to us just how often our cravings master us. 

One time just yesterday something was said that I wanted to react in defensiveness to, but of course I couldn't without blowing my resolution--and since it's only the first week that would be pretty pathetic. I kept my mouth shut and the moment passed, and we ended up having a great evening instead of the tense and likely unpleasant hours that might have resulted by me spouting my negative response. Hmm, maybe I'm learning something already.

On to week 2! In the meantime, here's a funny true story that actually does involved chainsaws and rosebushes...

            My mother has always loved rosebushes.  I think perhaps her favorite was a climbing rosebush that grew right outside the kitchen window of my small, childhood home in Jacksonville, Florida.  It started out small, but Mom waited as the months passed, excited to see the rosebush slowly but persistently creep up the wall toward the kitchen window.

She was so happy when that rosebush had finally climbed high enough to be seen from the kitchen window.

Mom was pointing it out to a friend as they talked together in the kitchen one day when they heard a whirring sound outside the window.  Suddenly, the rosebush was gone.  Bewildered, my mom turned to see my dad come into the house, stating proudly, “I trimmed that bush that was getting too big!”

            Assumptions.  They creep into our thoughts and make a cozy home there, so familiar and reasonable to our own minds that we don’t even realize they are only assumptions until, say, a rosebush comes crashing down, and a husband and wife now have an emotional issue to deal with.

            Assumptions can cause problems from the smallest choices, like what’s for dinner, to the life-changing choices, like financing a house or having children. 

            God designed us so we cannot read other people’s minds, and no one can read our minds (thankfully!).  Somehow, however, we end up thinking that people think through our frame of reference, act and react out of the same motivations that we would, and their words mean the same as they would if they were coming from our mouths. 

And in my opinion, the place where assumptions cause the most damage is in our marriages.

            How can assuming get us into trouble in our marriages?

            When we assume, we can decide our spouses are insensitive or unreasonable.   “He is so selfish!”  “She gets defensive of the littlest things!”  We react out of hurt or our own selfishness.  They react to us . . . .

            And the beat goes on.

            The cycle of hurt grows as it continues.        

            Assumption problems often come from different styles of communication.

            We know the typical: men mean what they say and say what they mean.  Women communicate with words or silence, gestures or tones, facial expressions or body language.  This does not apply in every case of course (don’t assume it does!), but many women read into their husbands non-verbal communication. 

            The husband may be “shouting” things with his non-verbals that he doesn’t intend or feel at all, while the wife may be “shouting” things with her non-verbals on purpose, but he doesn’t notice them because he is only listening to her words.

            Assumptions will cause problems in our conflicts.

            Put any man and woman together, and most likely they will face conflict differently.  Face them head on.  Retreat and hope they go away.  Pretend they don’t exist.   And any given method comes along with assumptions about the reasons for the other person’s methods, assumptions that are likely wrong.

            Why?  Because the motives behind your spouse’s actions and words and probably different than what your motives would be had you used the same actions or words.

You might decide your husband slammed the door out of spite and anger, when really his hands were full and he kicked it hard to make sure it shut tight.  So he goes on his way, assuming nothing is wrong, and returns to find you fuming about how insensitive and cold-hearted he is!

            So how do we keep from allowing assumptions to cause problems?

           Tune in Next Friday for Part 2!

Related Posts: The Right to Fight for Myself

Confessing My Husband's Besetting Sin And...

My Impossible, Ridiculous Until-New-Years Marriage Resolution

Writing Wednesdays: How To Make Great Website Content

Joyce Jones with Segovia Studies did my brand new website and it's excellent. There are scores of things on there I never could have done myself.  You can check it out at kimberlyrae.com
and see the great job she did. She's so creative!

Testimonial Page Joyce made for my Website

So how did I get a great website? With an expert instead of myself!

However, no matter how good Joyce's work is, I had to provide the content. What did I want to say? How did I want to present myself to the world? An amazing website is great but if you don't have any reason for people to stay other than to be impressed at the site itself, that's like those movies that have great special effects but no plot. You might watch it once, but you probably won't come back.

So whether you're building your own website or having it designed. here are some things to think about:

1. Why are you creating a website? Is the main purpose for people to get to know you, find out about what you care about, buy your books? That answer should drive your content.

2. Keep it clean. I have a hard time with this. I love pictures and colors, but when I posted on Linked asking advice about my blog background, pretty much everyone said it was distracting and did not attract them but rather the opposite. I loved the photo I had in the background, but if it was going to make me lose readers it had to go. Joyce designed my website without a background color or photo. It looks very clean. Since there is so much information on a website, you don't want to distract from that with a lot of 'decorating.'

3. Be focused and targeted. After reading from experts like Rog Eager and Michael Hyatt, I realized I was being pretty random about growing my platform--lots of effort but not necessarily well-targeted effort. My current goal is to get people to sign up for my e-mail newsletter so I can tell them when the Sick & Tired series launches, so I've started focusing a lot of attention toward that (speaking of, if you sign up on the website, www.kimberlyrae.com, for my newsletter, you get a free download of my award-winning book, From Africa With Love!)

4.  Less is sometimes better. Have you ever been to a store where they had so many choices it was unpleasantly overwhelming? I was doing that with social media. I put all kinds of links out there--pinterest, Facebook, goodreads, twitter, etc. Then I realized I was doing things backwards. Instead of using my website and blog to get people to all those other social media sites, I should be using those sites to get people back to my website. I've removed everything from my e-mail signature except for my 'brand' phrase and my website. I also removed most of those things from this blog and left only the website for people to go to.

5. Have a recognizable brand. Seems everybody is talking about this these days. Having some phrase of 3-6 words that defines what you do or what you have to offer is apparently quite important. And it makes sense. You don't see movie titles or book titles that are really long. The shorter and more succinct they are, the easier they are to talk about. Like the movie, Taken. First people would say, "Have you seen Taken?" Then when I said no, they could elaborate on how it's about human trafficking, etc., but the short title made it easier to pass the word and word of mouth sells.

I had a hard time deciding my brand in the sense of everything being a consistent color and phrase. Since I write suspense on human trafficking, but also humor and encouragement for people with chronic health problems, I ended up deciding on two 'themes.' My trafficking one is red and black, but my author website and Sick & Tired materials are all a more cheerful green. My phrase for both is, "Know Your Worth, Change The World."

The experts say get a professional photograph done. I never bothered, but when Joyce (who not only creates amazing websites but is a professional photographer) posted the photos she took, I could see why they say it's worth it. She made me look better than I actually do! =)

It pays to do your homework. I've started following blogs of people more knowledgeable in this whole area than myself, and I've learned so many new things that are really helping me grow with marketing. You can be a great writer but you also need a great presence these days. I hope some of this will help you develop that great presence that makes people keep wanting to come back for more!

What do you find hardest about developing your brand or targeting your readers?


Videos on my Website: Why I Wrote the Stolen Series

Are You Sick & Tired of Feeling Sick & Tired?

Welcome to kimberlyrae.com!

Trafficking, 12-year-olds, and Willow Smith's new Music Video

I have spoken on human trafficking in churches and school, libraries and conference rooms, to groups of hundreds and groups of less than a dozen. I have researched and studied trafficking, and discovered things I have shared with many others. I have also discovered things so horrible I will never tell you.

Tonight, I came across Willow Smith's new music video about having a summer fling, and I'm so disturbed I can't not write about it. Not the video itself, or the music, but how it collides with something else--a statistic.

Willow Smith is twelve years old.

The average age for an American girl to get trafficked is 12-14.

Before you think I've gone off the deep end, let me share with you what was disturbing to me about the video, and then please take the time to let me say why.

What disturbed me about what I heard in the song:
1. She's taking walks at midnight and lying on the beach with a guy she barely knows.
2. She's calling him, he's calling her, hanging out, kissing.
3. She mentions many times, "It's just a couple months, but we do it anyway."
4. She talks about them saying, "I love you," when the whole song is about it being just a summer fling.
5. "You say that I'm the one. I say it's just for fun."

What disturbed me about what I saw in the video:
1. A twelve-year-old flirting, touching, being touched, by a guy she barely knows.
2. The guy being nowhere near twelve years old.
3. Lots of couples touching, including what I think was a lesbian couple (with colored hair and lots of tattoos--maybe to show her sense of diversity?)
4. Absolutely no adults anywhere.




Now, before you think I'm saying Willow Smith has anything to do with trafficking, I'll say now I seriously doubt she has any idea her music video and song present a recipe traffickers love.

And that's my point.

Back to the statistic that the average age for a girl to get trafficked is 12-14. Why do you think that is?

I don't think 12-14-year-olds are targeted because girls are most desirable at that age. Trafficking is exploiting vulnerability, and younger girls are more vulnerable to exploitation. They are ripe for targeting. They are easier to lie to, entice, and ultimately take into a world so destructive, the life expectancy is a mere five years.

Here's what I'm talking about. Willow Smith's video shows girls that having an older guy pay attention to them is cool and makes them cool. Having him call them, pursue them, and touch them, despite not knowing them for very long, and having no intention of building a genuine lasting relationship, is cool. As she sings over and over (and over--52 times that I counted), "...do it anyway."

Traffickers know this is a very effective seduction to young girls. A trafficker isn't necessarily an old, ugly guy who looks like the bad guy. Sometimes they are young, well-dressed, and very attractive. These traffickers know that a young girl feels special when an older guy notices her, pays attention to her, gives her things. So a trafficker targets a girl who is vulnerable (say, one who is looking for approval, shows off her body to get attention, has no adult keeping track of her schedule or activities, or is considering running away). He finds out what she longs for and provides it. He becomes what she needs, until she not only trusts him, but feels loved by him. As one very effective trafficker said with a smile, "I sell dreams."

Willow Smith's video scares me. Not just for her (Why would her parents let her be out at midnight with some guy they don't even know, much less make a song and video about it?), but for all the 12 and 10 and 8-year-old girls who are going to watch it, memorize the song, and wish they could be like her.

(FYI: If you think I'm going for shock factor here, trying to convince you of something, I'd like to let you know that what I'm saying is just surface information. This doesn't even touch the shock value aspects of this.)

So what should parents do? If you have a young girl, help her choose her influences wisely. Use things like this music video to start conversations about things that really matter. This short video could spark questions like:
1. Do you think a girl that young should have a boyfriend? Why or why not?
2. Do you think having a relationship with someone you don't really know is good? Can you think of how it could be bad or dangerous?
3. Why do you think I don't let you _______________?
4. What should you do if a guy you like starts to _____________________?
5. Do you know where the line is between touching that is okay and touching that is not?
6. If someone crosses that line, do you know that it's okay to do whatever you have to do to get away from him? What are some things you could do?

As much as I wish it were not true, 12-year-old girls need to know what is the boundary between acceptable and unacceptable touch. They need to be trained on how to get out of a dangerous situation. And they need to know that if something bad happens to them, that you are never going to blame them for it, but you will help them. They need to know to never keep something like that a secret, and they need to know if they came to you and told you something like that, that you would not brush it off or let it fall into silence.

They also need to know the lines exploiters use, such as:
1. If you love me, you'll ___________.
2. You owe me.
3. It's your fault because of what you wore/said/did.
4. You're bad. You shouldn't tell because everyone will know you did something bad.
5. If you tell, I'll _______________________.
6. I couldn't help it. I'll never do it again.

I hate the idea of even talking about this with my daughter when she gets older. Before I started studying trafficking, I thought age 16 would be a good age to bring it up. Maybe 15. I never imagined I'd have to be ready to discuss this at age 10or 11.

But unfortunately, that's one of the reasons 12-14 year olds are so exploitable. Their lack of knowledge and lack of training makes them vulnerable. Add to that a culture that says being pursued by an older guy when you're a pre-teen makes you special, and you have a truly dangerous situation.

Perhaps this music video will show parents that they should be more involved in what their children watch and listen to. Perhaps it will convince us to talk with our children and prepare them for this world. Perhaps it will even spark the desire to give them an understanding of their own value, so much so that they don't need to get their sense of worth from a summer fling, an older guy, or even a famous music career.

If that happens, then maybe watching the video wasn't a bad thing after all.

What do you think this video tells young girls? Do you think the controversy over this video is warranted?

Related Posts:   Nancy Drew Isn't Real and the Traffickers aren't that Stupid

Pretty Woman and the Media's Galmourization of Prostitution

Beyonce's Halftime Show and Human Trafficking

Trip to Bangladesh--Part 2 of 3

The plane lifted high into the air, on the first leg of several.  The first stop was Minnesota, and I felt ridiculous crying as we flew, wondering if anyone around me was thinking I was really silly for crying just going from Atlanta to Minnesota (see Stolen Woman Chapter 1).  I wanted to announce that I wasn't just going to Minnesota; I was going halfway around the world, on the first really big trip of my life, for two whole years, and who knew if I would even ever come back?

After the uneventful Minnesota layer (Who flies international from Minnesota? I thought that was weird.), it was back on the plane for a much longer jaunt to Tokyo, Japan, and the nervousness about my major life change gave way to the nervousness about this long, long flight, with nowhere to land if we were in trouble since we were flying over the ocean.

Now here's where I have to tell you another secret: I hate flying.  I mean, I enjoy the beautiful views of the world and being up in the clouds and all that, but the minute we hit that first bump of turbulence, I break out in a cold sweat and start quoting Bible verses in my head.  I really have this fear of falling out of the sky, and of course turbulence to that fear is like a puppy with a new chew toy.  And flying over a major world ocean gets you in plenty of air pockets, not to mention a 14-hour flight is going to have turbulence just to appease the laws of probability.

I don't like flying, but it sure could be worse!

I tried to think about important things.  I journaled.  I tried to rest.  I watched dumb airline movies.  Seems the thing I did most was pull up that little screen that has the little airplane on it, showing where the flight is and how far its gone and how long it has left.  That is a really dumb thing to do when the flight is fourteen hours long.  The screen has America and an ocean and Japan, and it takes a long, long time for that little plane to get off America, much less look like its anywhere near Tokyo!

However, finally (and I do mean FINALLY) the plane was heading downward rather than straight ahead, and we were about to land in the very first foreign country I'd ever set foot on.  I got myself, my long coat and my huge carry-on ready.

It took awhile for the plane to unload--it was a huge plane with two decks if my memory is correct.  I stepped through the doorway and was surprised to see stairs.  Stairs for me, and everybody else, to walk down to the tarmac with.  Odd.

Okay, the stairs were bigger than this

Stepping down rather drunkenly, thrown off kilter by the 40 pounds of carry-on I was carrying (the little dolly I had for this ridiculously overfull carry-on wasn't happy going down stairs as you can imagine).  The carry-on weight actually knocked me over at one point and I stumbled downward until my rear found a step and I parked on it for a bit, feeling quite inept and beyond sheepish (someday remind me to tell you about falling down the stairs on prom night).  Likely no one even cared or noticed, but I felt like everyone around me could tell, Wow, that girl doesn't travel.  She has no idea what she is doing.

If they had thought that, they would have been right.  Let's just say that I never carry a 40-pound carry-on on a plane now, no matter how long a trip I'm on or how important those last few items seem to be.

First thing I did was stuff that big, heavy, dilapidated coat into a nearby trash can.  Already sweating by then from the heat and humidity that greeted us the moment we stepped from the plane, to relieve myself of that burden was a quick and easy decision.  It would have been even smarter to lose a few pounds from my bag, but that thought hadn't occurred to me as yet.

From Tokyo, there were other stops.  They kind of blur in my memory so I couldn't tell you exactly where I went from there.  However, I do remember two distinct things.  One was this one specific layover somewhere in Asia.  We landed, were herded off the plane, and had to go through some kind of super-long customs line that curved and snaked around.  Then finally, after standing in line, walking in line, waiting, then eventually being called to board, I got on the next plane only to realize . . . it was the exact same plane we had left!  Was someone in the airport just watching all of us little sheep on a surveillance camera and laughing the whole time?  I know they have to clean the plane and re-fuel and all that, but . . .

I learned I don't think very nice things when I haven't had enough sleep, and I learned quickly that I don't sleep on planes.  Bummer when you're on them for longer than 24 hour periods.

The other thing I remember was this one Thai airlines flight.  It was a drastic change from the other flights I had been on.  The stewardesses were dressed in beautiful, elaborately colored and designed Thai outfits.  They were pretty and gracious, and gave each of us a real orchid.

During that flight I got seated next to a family headed also to Bangladesh.  How fortunate for me!  It was a nice Bangladeshi woman and her two Bangladeshi kids.  The kids knew English, at least a little, and I was next to the daughter.  Here was a chance for me to get to know someone from my new country.

A long, long time later, I was not feeling so fortunate.  The daughter wanted to talk about American movies, and next you thing you know I was singing (for her) the theme to every Disney movie ever created.

"A whole new world...etc...etc"

This wasn't so horrible, until the stewardess came to our row, and bent down to ask us if we wanted coffee or tea after our dinner.  Her tray held at least one cup of hot water, for tea I'm assuming.  The other child of the family reached right up and started swirling his right hand in the cup of water!  I was embarrassed, especially when the horrified stewardess looked at me as if I was the kid's mother.  "He's not mine," I wanted to say, "and I have no idea why he just did that!"

I found out later that in Bangladeshi homes, after eating curry and rice (with the right hand only), they wash the right hand by pouring water over it onto their bowl, then washing the bowl with the same water.  Or if you are higher class, you give each guest an individual bowl of water to wash the right hand in.  I guess that kid thought this was his individual bowl of water.

Eventually, I met up with a few other people who were to travel the final legs of the trip with me to Bangladesh.  They were other Americans.  I had met them before and was very happy to see familiar faces after experiencing so much of the unfamiliar.

I could not imagine, however, how small my up-to-that-point experiences would seem in comparison to what I was headed for just moments after our plane landed in Bangladesh . . .