Chainsaws, Rosebushes, and Other Detriments to Marriage Part 2

            If you've had times you felt like your spouse is hacking away at your words and meanings (or rosebushes!) with a chainsaw, here's Part 2:

            So how do we keep from allowing assumptions to cause problems?
1.  Communicate!  Don’t assume your spouse is thinking the same things you’re thinking. Talk about what you are thinking, and ask what he or she is thinking. “What is your opinion on that?” “Where are you coming from?”  “Why do you think that?”   “Can you elaborate, please?”
2.  Either find out, or let go.  If you decide not to ask why, or find out what’s behind the action or reaction, then let it go.  This is my person struggle.  I can tell myself all the good things, then still stew over it for days.  When I do that, we’re not right.   I can mess up days for our marriage, not because of what my husband did or said, but because I can’t let go of what I felt like he meant by it.
3.  Pray, pray, pray.  One of the best ways to not assume the worst is to be daily in prayer for your spouse and your own attitude.
4.  Don’t get used to your spouse.  Don’t assume you know everything there is to know about your husband or wife. Ask questions about childhood, goals and ambitions, dreams.  “What is your happiest memory of childhood, our marriage, our children, etc?” “Who were your heroes?” “Do you have anyone you look up to now?”
            The more we know someone, the less we assume they think and act like we do.    As one husband told me profoundly, “You shouldn’t assume your wife likes to clean the toilet just because she does it.” Amen!

            Trying to avoid the assumption trap is an overwhelming challenge.  But, thanks to Jesus Christ and His salvation, we have all the resources we need to be “more than conquerors” in every area of our lives, including marriage!  Christ gives us all the strength we need to dissolve the assumption upsets in our daily lives.  “God wants us to accept our mates as they are,” one wife says, “a beautiful work of God’s art in the making.” 
            So, learn and ask and pray.  Give yourself, your spouse, and your marriage over to the Lord’s control.  Allow God to change you today, and your spouse tomorrow.  In the
end, you can avoid a chopped up climbing rosebush, a confused husband, and an emotional conflict—and everybody’s happy!

Well, what do you think? Is it possible for people from two genders (two different planets if you ask some people!) to be able to genuinely communicate without the painful barrier of assumptions? Have you had a success story in your marriage of a time when you overcame assumptions? Please share!

P.S. I've made it 2 weeks on my resolution, and I'm learning some pretty amazing things. Will share next week!

P.P.S. Don't forget, my suspense/romance is FREE TODAY on Kindle!!! Just go to and look up "Stolen Woman," and please pass the word!


  1. Kimberly, so glad to visit another Boot Camp grad in the blogosphere. I'm heading over to download your book. Hope to see you at the Cove soon! Lori from Be Not Weary.

  2. Hi Lori! Thanks for coming over and I hope you like the book!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.