This past week I was planning to go visit family in Georgia, but a "flare-up" of sorts kept me home and in bed.
I still haven't quite figured it out, but it seems every 6-12 months my body freaks out and decided to purge itself of everything in it (well, not organs and such, but you know what I mean). It's yucky, and I feel so nauseated. It's a very distinct 3 days of symptoms, but I don't know what is actually happening. I think it might be a mini Addisonian Crisis, but haven't figured out what triggers them.
An Addisonian Crisis is potentially fatal (nothing new, see A Lesson to be Learned from Potentially Fatal Stuff), so I have to take these episodes seriously. I go way up on my steroid medication (which is good in that it helps my asthma, helps me heal, and brings my sugar levels up so I don't have to eat every 3 hours--but it's bad because then I have to taper down as soon as I'm better, and that's difficult and takes weeks to months sometimes). I rest, don't go anywhere, and eat Saltines when I can hold something down.
The whole scenario becomes a complicated dance. I stop taking some of my medications because of the upset stomach, but then I worry about my electrolytes going low when I'm not taking them in prescription strength. I want to go down on my steroids as soon as possible, but while I'm doing that, my immune system is extra vulnerable.
Can I have a break please?!
And as you likely know, the longer you're sick the more vulnerable you are to feeling discouraged. I can't imagine how those of you who have chronic pain stand it. But then again, I know you wouldn't stand it if you could help it!
For me, and likely most of us who are chronically ill, I think that is the part hardest to accept. That this isn't just a 24-hour stomach bug that we'll get over soon. It's going to flare up time and again for the rest of my life.
So the other night as I was feeling discouraged and wanting to run away from my own body, I realized (again) that my feelings were affected by the fact that I had gone down a bit on the high doses and my body and emotions were both responding to that.
I have to learn to not listen to my feelings when I'm in this state. I shouldn't jump in and try to analyze them to death. They need to be rejected and ignored until I'm stronger on all fronts to deal with them.
So, in conclusion, if you're having a flare-up, another migraine is coming, or your doctor tells you he can't think of anything else that will help, I feel for you. I'd love to tell you how much I admire your strength, but I know you'd rather not be strong. So I leave us all with this verse...
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.(2 Corinthians 12:9)
For my flare up and yours, lets endure this latest trial and give our weaknesses to the only One who can turn them into strength.